Monday, May 08, 2006

Caution, teen-age boy talk contained herein. I mean CAUTION!

Jim's cousin was here last night. DJ. Donald James. Jim is James Donald. Isn't that cute? I'm glad I got the J-first one. The other morning we were all lounging in bed and Madeleine wanted to talk about our middle names. Mine's Page. Hers is my grandma's name - a pretty, old-fashioned name. Quinn's is my mom's maiden name - an interesting English surname. Tiny knows all those, but then she sat up and looked at Jim and said, "But Daddy, what's yours?" He told her. And she snorted. Snorted like a teenager at something dumb her dad just said! "HA! Like the duck!" she says. Jim covered his eyes with his hands and said, "Oh my God. Visions of junior, coming back to haunt me."

Jim, #28

Me, bottom row, 4th from left

So with DJ here last night we pulled out Jim's old junior high annual and I had a chance to see what I married, up-close and personal. I don't mean Who I married. What I married. Here's a sample of what our friends chose to write in our yearbooks as we parted ways for the summer:

  • Mine: "Mignon - Have a great summer. Hope we'll be in the same homeroom next year. Julie"

  • Jim's: "To a rad wrestler, Have a great summer! Eat lots of pussy! Travis"

  • Mine: "Mignon, Have a wild summer with lots of fun. Keep playing basketball! Christian"

  • Jim's: "Jim, Thanks for being a friend and keep your dick away from those girls, Tony"

  • Mine: "Mignon, I'm glad I got to know you this year because you are a very nice person. Have a nice summer! Sandy"

  • Jim's: "Jim, We no you want anus but If you can help it get cunt!! Waldo"

  • Mine: "Mignon, Have a great summer and see ya next year! David"

  • Jim's: "Don't worry bud! Someday you'll get pubic hair on your balls. Good luck, Steve"

  • Mine: "Dear Mignon, You have and will be a great friend. Have a great summer. I'll see you next year, Rakhi"

  • Jim's: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a big cock and I guess you do too. Rob"

  • Mine: "Mignon, Have a great summer, and chill out. Jesse - P.S. Don't party too much!"

Speechless? It's like coming to the realization that your boyfriend poops. But different. SO SO different. I imagine on the last day of school, I ran home, yearbook open, arms outstretched to show my mom how many friends I have and how nice they all are. I imagine Jim ran home, yearbook rolled up and tucked away in his back, he grabs the jar of vaseline from his nightstand and heads for the bathroom...

Boys. You can only hope they wash their hands afterwards...


Blogger Tink said...

"To a rad wrestler, Have a great summer! Eat lots of pussy! Travis"
Omg... LMAO. Noooo. That is SO funny! What is wrong with boys? I would have NEVER signed anyone's yearbook that way.

I'm pulling out Hoop's yearbooks tonight.

5/08/2006 10:13 AM  
Blogger Jaye Wells said...

Wow. Junior high, huh? Lord I have enough trouble with my son calling me "mom" instead of "momma." I think I'd have apoplexy if I ran acorss a year book containg things like that. I mean I'm not a prude by any means, but the thought of my sweet boy using the "c" word, either of them, gives me palpitations.

5/08/2006 10:46 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

That is fucking great. Now I want to go pull out Jeff's yearbooks.

Also, it's eerie how much you look the same as you did in junior high.

5/08/2006 11:16 AM  
Anonymous DD said...

I'm just plain jealous. All I got was nerdy jokes and no jock talk homosexual inuendo (or was that in your endo?).

What I do remember was that there was always a razor thin line for guys between homoerotic banter and homosexuality... One was funny and the other got the crap beaten out of you.

5/08/2006 11:25 AM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

Suddenly I'm very, very frightened of the boys living in my house.

5/08/2006 12:10 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

OMG. I am laughing my ass off.

5/08/2006 12:21 PM  
Anonymous kathie said...

That Venus/Mars book didn't sell a million copies because they were wrong!!! I shudder to think of my baby boy involved in those discussions in the years to come. He just won't be like that. He just won't...

5/08/2006 2:47 PM  
Blogger Arabella said...

Mignon, thank goodness my tummy is still all stapled together, because if it wasn't, I would have split my incisions from laughing so hard at this post.

I LOVE how you juxtaposed the two yearbook quotes!

5/08/2006 4:44 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

DD, I've always marveled at that ubiquitous homo-erotic stuff that goes on with close male friends. All these jokes about assholes and feined takings-from-behind. Is it just testoserone overload? And there is such a thin line. Jim had one friend that sorta crossed it with another friend and we're not supposed to talk about it. Ever. Pretend it never happened or was made up. Huh.

And I really am in denial about this sort of thing happening to my baby boy. No way. Like Kathie said, "He just won't be like that." I mean, no way!

5/08/2006 4:44 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Oh Arabella, I knew you'd find the bright side to having your stomach stapled shut somewhere. I really wonder now if all the boys that signed my yearbook wrote stuff like Jim got in their friends' annuals. Was my little boyfriend Chris Parker like this???

5/08/2006 4:48 PM  
Blogger drawdawn said...

HAHA! So funny. And SO typical! (but my boys won't be like that either, uh uh, no way. lol)

5/08/2006 8:28 PM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

I'm still reeling over the fact that your husband knew a guy named WALDO.

Great post--love the He Says, She Says set up.

5/09/2006 3:37 AM  
Anonymous LetterB said...

What happened to "2 good 2 be 4gotten"? Hilarious.

5/09/2006 10:20 AM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

I am dying at work trying to suppress my laughter. That was the funniest thing I've seen in weeks. Too, too true. And I love your final line. hahaha!!!

5/09/2006 11:28 AM  
Blogger Orange said...

My dad's middle name was Eugene—no duck connection, but so much worse than Donald.

This was Jim's junior high yearbook, as in 8th grade, or junior year of high school? Because most 8th-grade boys aren't getting any, last I heard. Not from girls, anyway...

5/09/2006 2:14 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Orange, this was his 7th grade annual. Some of these boys may have been 12. And the boy behind Jim in the picture, #60, was Tony. They were just babies fergodssake!

5/09/2006 2:36 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

I have never before read a guy's yearbook. Now I'm torn between wanting to go find J's and wanting to really stay the hell away!

5/09/2006 3:57 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Terrance will tell me something that is so Foul, so foreign to my inner core that I wonder how I ever came to love such a foul, repugnant human being.

Like when he and his buddies peed on a passed out guy. Or when he puked on some girl he took home. And I think

"Thank god I didn't know this before you got the ring fully on my finger."


5/09/2006 6:09 PM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I am speechless. Fucking speechless.

5/10/2006 8:20 AM  
Blogger Esereth said...

So did he ever get that pubic hair?

I'm just gonna come out and say....that stuff is really homo-erotic...poetry about another boys big cock and such. Tsk tsk.

5/10/2006 9:13 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Yes, it came in nicely, Esereth. And yes! about the homo-e stuff. Check out what my friend dd commented. I've always wondered about the rampant homo-eroticism amongst seemingly straight men.

5/11/2006 8:30 AM  

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