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Writin Wednesday
Here it is, the final installment. Now I'm going to revise, revise, revise. Which, and I apologize in advance, I will be doing on Wednesdays in the next couple weeks, so bear with me. If you can think of anything negative to say, anything at all, I would appreciate it. Do you hate Lanny's name? Does he bore you? Do you think the whole thing reeked like the restroom at ChuckE.Cheese? Do you need more physical descriptions of places/people? Do you think I should shower more often? Good thing blogs aren't scented...
Life in the Valley, Conclusion
(I pulled out the text to save space - go here for the entirety of the story)
Life in the Valley, Conclusion
(I pulled out the text to save space - go here for the entirety of the story)
posted by Mignon at 9:50 AM
Wait... Conclusion as in DONE? As in OVER? Nooo. You're not going to leave it there are you? I think you should open another blog and continue it. I'll even send you the TT format.
Oh, Lanny, you did not disappoint. :-)
If you're going to put it all together, I would like to see it all together in one installment. If I can read it uninterrupted, I think I will have more feedback.
But I like, lots. I think the detail and dialogue are excellent. I sort of don't want it to end, though -- just getting attached to the characters.
Yes I'd like to see it all in one piece too. I've lost or forgotten what Lanny looks like. I'm thinking former high school footballer gone to seed a bit. Is he tall and quite handsome but with a premature paunch? I think he works on his arms and chest and neglects the rest. Does he chew tobacco? Why do I think Dawn in the 7-11 is Asian American? Just before I read your description of the smell in his car, I was thinking to myself "I can smell the inside of this guy's car".
I like that this is the end. It's so subtly hopeful, or maybe not(?). It's a good ending.
Nice one Mignon x
Me too. Can you put it all together in one post? It would be great to read it as a full piece.
I don't think I'm ready for it to be over.
It can't be over! You write like Altman... great character studies and leaving the audience dangling in the story.
Thanks guys.
Wordgirl, I wrote this story with an entirely different ending originally and Lanny was perfect for that guy, but now I'm just not feeling it, dawg. In fact, I'm starting to dig on Will a little.
Thanks PD. Actually when I picture Lanny, all I can think of is Tony Hawk. I think he's my archetypical character. Whenever I write from a boy's perspective, I always think of him. Does that ruin it for you?
tb, are you messin with me? You must know how crazy I am about Raymond Carver from my bio, and Short Cuts (I think Altman's masterpiece) is all Carver stories all linked together. Again, are you messin with me? Even if you are, that totally made my heart skip a little.
Love your dialogue, as I've said before.
I was surprised that Dawn guessed the girlfriend was pregnant. It seemed such a random guess. I, too will plead that I need to read it all in one sitting.