Miss America, you can kiss my ass with all your annoying anti-help.

Here's something that really pissed me off yesterday. Oprah was on, and I never watch Oprah because of the insidious interrupting of guests. It is a character trait I hate. She was talking to young women that hated themselves. I won't go into the big Huh? about the girl who was a model but apparently thought she was so ugly that she would break mirrors with her Manolos. But it's a real problem, and the saddest part was the 4-year-old babygirl that hated her mom because she wouldn't let the little thing wear make-up to cover her ugliness.

ANYWAY, the big tidy solution to all their problems was to bring on Phylicia Rashad and Vanessa Williams to talk about how they had real self-esteem issues as children but learned to love themselves from the inside. VANESSA FUCKING WILLIAMS. I mean, granted Phyl was a little fugly as a kid, but she's, well, she's hot now. And rich. And famous. And important. And respected. And married to someone hot and famous. And it bears repeating, beautiful. When was Miss America ever even ugly? Is a 17-year-old overweight unattractive girl watching this show going to be encouraged by Miss America or beautiful Claire Huxtable? No, she's going to run to the nearest meth pipe and say, "Deadly chemicals, take me away from this world where you can only find self-worth if you're gorgeous and successful." It's like Paris Hilton saying, "You don't need money to be happy! You can have wonderful life experiences even if you're poor!" Except I don't think she can string together full sentences.

So, come on people. Let's make a list of conventionally unattractive people that are real-life role models. People that find success and self-worth because of the merits of their character, intelligence or other abilities. I'll start. Madeleine Albright. And Bill Gates. I'm going to send the list in to Oprah as suggested alternatives. And I'll tell her let someone else talk for once.