Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Miss America, you can kiss my ass with all your annoying anti-help.

Here's something that really pissed me off yesterday. Oprah was on, and I never watch Oprah because of the insidious interrupting of guests. It is a character trait I hate. She was talking to young women that hated themselves. I won't go into the big Huh? about the girl who was a model but apparently thought she was so ugly that she would break mirrors with her Manolos. But it's a real problem, and the saddest part was the 4-year-old babygirl that hated her mom because she wouldn't let the little thing wear make-up to cover her ugliness.

ANYWAY, the big tidy solution to all their problems was to bring on Phylicia Rashad and Vanessa Williams to talk about how they had real self-esteem issues as children but learned to love themselves from the inside. VANESSA FUCKING WILLIAMS. I mean, granted Phyl was a little fugly as a kid, but she's, well, she's hot now. And rich. And famous. And important. And respected. And married to someone hot and famous. And it bears repeating, beautiful. When was Miss America ever even ugly? Is a 17-year-old overweight unattractive girl watching this show going to be encouraged by Miss America or beautiful Claire Huxtable? No, she's going to run to the nearest meth pipe and say, "Deadly chemicals, take me away from this world where you can only find self-worth if you're gorgeous and successful." It's like Paris Hilton saying, "You don't need money to be happy! You can have wonderful life experiences even if you're poor!" Except I don't think she can string together full sentences.

So, come on people. Let's make a list of conventionally unattractive people that are real-life role models. People that find success and self-worth because of the merits of their character, intelligence or other abilities. I'll start. Madeleine Albright. And Bill Gates. I'm going to send the list in to Oprah as suggested alternatives. And I'll tell her let someone else talk for once.


Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

Let's face it though...there are not too many famous role models that aren't attractive...we do seem to be obsessed...

Let's see who would be on my list....

I cannot think of a soul...that's bad....

Condie Rice ---- I jest, really I do...

4/25/2006 3:14 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Um... Alan Greenspan? Janet Reno? Mother Teresa?

4/25/2006 5:49 PM  
Anonymous kathie said...

Fiesty post, sister. You PMSing? very politically incorrect, but I am woman, too! Seriously, this stuff burns my ass as well. I really like Ope, but can't watch her too much. I get jealous of everyone's newfound inner peace...heeeeheheheheeeee

4/25/2006 5:52 PM  
Blogger RestlessCasualty said...

God Im so glad Im not the only one that turns off Oprah when she constantly interrupts her guests.
I didnt get the whole "I'm a model but I think I'm so ugly I smash mirrors with my hands" thing either.
Really? After seeing those pictures you thought Phylicia was a little fugly growing up and Vanessa wasnt? I have to say the opposite. :) Phylicia Rashad’s been gorgeous her whole life.
You have a great point though. Oprah, show us some even moderately unattractive people that feel they are beautiful.

4/25/2006 7:10 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

God. The only person I can come up with is Clint Howard.

I'm going to bed now.

(Oprah drives me crazy.)

4/25/2006 8:02 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Stephen Hawking. Stephen KING. Dave Barry.

4/25/2006 8:11 PM  
Anonymous Prairie Dawn said...

Mignon, this is quite hard. They're definitely out there but not necessarily world famous. Most world famous people are in entertainment, and they're mostly "beautiful". New Zealand has a female Prime Minister, she's uggers, but she's a female Prime Minister. Then of course there's the whole "ugly but attractive" thing again ie. Phil Seymour Hof, John Candy etc. Barry Humphries is hideous but successful, Mick Jagger, Pete Postlethwaite, Stephen Hawkings, Virginia Woolf, Germaine Greer, Anita Roddick. I've never seen a photo of Annie Proulx. What does she look like I wonder?

4/25/2006 8:11 PM  
Anonymous Prairie Dawn said...

Annie Proulx, Jeannett Winterson, Tim Winton, Cathy Freeman

4/25/2006 8:30 PM  
Blogger Esereth said...

Frankly, Oprah. Oprah without her specific lighting and make-up and hair team. I've seen her without them and she's pretty homely. Like in The Color Purple.

I don't know. I like Oprah because there isn't anything to hate about her, and there should be, with her rediculous wealth and power. She should be a real stink bitch but instead she keeps making millions of women think they're close friends with her. That's talent, if nothing else.

I digress. You are so right about that silly pithy solution to self-esteem. I don't think there is a cure for low self-esteem. Maybe love and praise, certainly a good boy-friend (I know how bad that seems, but it worked wonders for me). But sure as hell not Vanessa Williams.

4/25/2006 8:32 PM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

Let's see...conventionally unattractive people that are real-life role models. Why is it that writers are all making my short list? This does not bode well...

Um. Lyle Lovett? Conan O'Brian?

You know, it's harder to come up with unattractive famous women. It seems more acceptable for unattractive men to be in the spotlight. Interesting. And sad, really.

4/25/2006 8:50 PM  
Blogger Mitch said...

I can think of dozens of authors, but I assume they don't count because their face isn't in the lime light as much as their books - I wouldn't know Dan Brown if he slapped me across the face - although I'm sure I'd recognize his lawyers after they sued me for slapping him back, but I digress...
I can think of a few powerful women who can be admired for their achievments, if one looks the other way on certain issues. Martha Stewart, maybe you don't consider her ugly, but the woman creeps me out! She's all passive-demanding - like a shy skeleton.
Hillary Clinton, although I must admit I do admire the portrait, I don't conventionally think of her as attractive - maybe if she'd loosen up, she's always so I've-got-a-cell-phone-tower-up-my-ass rigid and businessly, though in her position it's excusable.
As for men, Jack Black. The guy's funny, but not someone I'd ever want to wake up next to in bed - and yet, the man makes porn movies! *shudders*
The number one ugly person with loads of power who comes to mind is a controvercial one - You either love him or hate him, but either way there's no denying his fame is enviable, if not his particular vices...have you guessed who? Michael Jackson. I know, some of you are probably giving me the death glare through yout monitors right now, but the guy has pull to get away with that shit, and he still has way more loyal fans than a guy like that deserves.

4/25/2006 10:21 PM  
Blogger Arabella said...

Awesome post, and awesome comments. And so true! Why is it so hard to think of these people?

It's a little bit easier for me to think about "average"-looking people who have become very successful. For some reason, the ones coming to mind right now are funny people. Gilda Radner. Bill Murray. Jerry Seinfeld. Ben Stein.

4/26/2006 6:04 AM  
Blogger mamalujo1 said...

You. Me. My wife and kids. My Dad. Your child(ren? sorry).

4/26/2006 7:03 AM  
Anonymous stella said...

you took mine. i was totally going to say Bill Gates.

Okay. lets see. How bouts....

you win. can't think of anyone.

they're all 'beautiful people'.

it's so hard to watch oprah sometimes. i feel ya sista.

4/26/2006 8:51 AM  
Anonymous stella said...


ive got one.

barbara walters. i mean. she is a little strange looking. i especially love the impersonation Sheri Oteri does on SNL.

me dios. shoot me now. carnie wilson is singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow on The View...

4/26/2006 8:54 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Okay, here goes...

Nancy, I thought about J.Reno, but I was scared. I was. Thank you for not being scared, because I know she's wicked smaht.

MamaT - I had to google. What the hell???

Restless - Okay, you caught me. I turned it off after Phyl was on and have no idea what MissAmerica looked like as a child. I saw her on Martha the other day and she bothered me and now I always turn her off.

PD - I had to google your whole list. Okay, not whole, but how do you know the names of some of these people? Pete Postlethwaite? "An odd-looking but quite fascinating bloke with prominent, bony cheeks" That says it all doesn't it? In his IMDB mini-bio the only thing they can talk about is how he's funny looking. Now I've gotta go look up the rest...

Esereth. You are so right. Perfect example, because I never really think about how bizarre looking she is. Perfect.

Jess, I thought the same thing about men vs women. There are ugly female scholars, writers, world leaders, but entertainers? Nope, not unless they're funny. (And I have to say I think Conan is fine.)

Mitch, Hilary kept popping into my mind, but it's not like she's heinous or anything. Just a little off.

And Arabella and Mitch, all those funny people for sure, but something about the field of comedy makes it perfectly acceptable to be nasty. Pauly Shore?

Mamalujo, I understand your point, but are you calling me ugly? ;)

Stella, The View (I call it The Spew) came on yesterday and I thought of Barbara Walters. But I hate her. I hate her slightly less because of Sheri Oteri, but still, my heart will not soften.

4/26/2006 9:49 AM  
Blogger drawdawn said...

grrr I have a hard time watching Oprah for that very reason too.

And how she gets all these 'professionals, and experts' on her shows and then never lets them talk! she starts in with her own view on why this and that is happening and omg I cannot stand it!

whew, feel a bit better now.

I can't think of any famous fugly people either.

4/26/2006 12:18 PM  
Anonymous JMo said...

Steve Buscemi(sp?) has got to be one of the more fugly dudes in hollywood, but he's cool as hell. He was at ground zero digging through the rubble, when his cohorts in hollywood were giving lip service to "helping out"

4/26/2006 2:30 PM  
Blogger Jaye Wells said...

That reminds me of the Oprah I saw where she was counseling people who had extremem debt. Uh-hello-Oprah? You were the one I saw ont he Forbes list, right? Yeah come back and talk to me about debt when you have some.

4/26/2006 2:47 PM  
Anonymous Prairie Dawn said...

Mignon, excuse me while I suspend my appreciation of plain looking successful folk just for a minute. Is Natalie Portman not an absolute goddess since she cut off her hair? She was gorgeous prior to the shave, but she is divine with short hair. Furthermore I think you look like her. I bet I'm not the first to mention it either.

4/26/2006 7:21 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

My feelings for Ms. Portman run the gamut. I adored her in Beautiful Girls and The Professional, but I hated Closer (even the my heart breaks whenever I hear Clive Owen speak). She seemed so uncomfortable and immature in that role. I wish I hadn't seen that movie ever.

Nobody's ever made a comparison, except for me in my own little mind. Something about her in Beautiful Girls totally reminded me of myself, but I never said that out loud. I do love the short hair, and I'm always tugging longingly at my wiry mid-length 'do whenever I see a photo of her (I'm tugging right now, actuallly). Thanks for making my day. That was very nice.

4/26/2006 9:46 PM  
Blogger Orange said...

I'd do Conan, too.

I vote for Katie Couric as a successful homely woman, but apparently a lot of people think she's cute. Whatevah.

4/27/2006 4:19 PM  
Blogger Jaye Wells said...

Kathy Bates maybe? I think most of the successful homely people have penises. Sucks.

4/27/2006 4:26 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home