Friday, April 14, 2006

Friday Concoction

Last night I had an erotic dream about this guy. I was a single mom and had found a beautiful cutting board on the beach earlier in the day when I was walking with Quinn. He lived across the hall from me and was an important chef. I brought the board over to him and asked him the best way to clean it and he gave me a lecture on the importance of oiling your cutting boards. He was kind of an ass, and I laughed at his self-importance, then suddenly I was sleeping on a giant cozy futon with soft white sheets and warm duvet. Quinn was asleep in the other room, and when I sat up, wanting to go check on him, Chef sat up suddenly and said, "You look so different from her. It's nice to wake up to something different." He was on the other side of the futon, leaning on an elbow, watching me stretch and scratch my head. He reached over, tentatively, and felt my hair. Then suddenly he was kissing me, hard. I couldn't breathe and was getting that weak, first-kiss, feeling in my stomach. I reached for his arm, which was holding the back of my head, and his wrist felt like a twig. I jumped back and he looked at me shocked. I ran into the bathroom, breathing heavily and sat on the toilet. "Are you okay?" he called in to me. "Yes, yes. I'm all right. Just out of breath. I'll just be a minute." The toilet paper roll didn't have any toilet paper, just coils and coils of extension cords. I sat there, wondering if I would be able to wipe with an extension cord...

I had a discussion with a friend the other day about how to celebrate Easter. She's vaguely religious and her husband's an atheist. Thus far I've told Madeleine Easter is a celebration of the coming of spring, and the Easter Bunny gives all the kids presents and candy (if they're good and don't push their little brothers over when they're just learning how to walk and if they don't say o-KAY!!! in that exasperated tone when asked to pick their dripping sippy cups off of the floor) because the EB's so happy all the flowers are coming out and babies are being born. On Christmas I do an additional Solstice kind of explanation of why and how we celebrate, but also we talked about how a very kind and good man was born around that day and many people like to celebrate his birthday too. This works for us, but her cousins are very Catholic and we always go to their house for Easter dinner. I guess I'm not so much worried, but curious what will happen. Madeleine can be very convincing. And which story seems more believable (and palatable) to 4-year-olds? Happy bunnies with presents or dead guys stumbling out of caves...

Can you tell I'm melancholy? That dream put me in the weirdest mood this morning.

Here, maybe this section will snap me out of it...

Links and Asundry

  • I read a couple quotes by this comic (Eugene Mirman, if you wanna google). I can' think of how to describe him, so here's a sample joke: I was talking to this girl, and she was like, "IT's okay for me to fag because my brother is gay." That's a terrible excuse. The reason it's okay for me to say fag is because I'm full of hate.
  • Did you know Mark Knopfler and Emmylou Harris made a record together. It's like mixing chocolate and peanut butter in one great snack. Brilliant.
  • I didn't buy any of those laptop bags from the other day. I got premature buyer's remorse and was already berating myself for my poor selection. So I carted my new brushed-steel baby to Liquid Planet in a backpack full of diapers yesterday. By the way, check out some of the cool coffee paraphenilia.
  • Did I say I couldn't decide on a laptop bag? I just found this one. It's funky but grown-up. What do you think?
  • I don't have an iPod because when would I ever be able to put on earphones? Tell me!! When?? But if I did, I would put it in this, yes iWood. heh.
  • Token pretty thing. But really, gorgeous, don't you think?


Then (that's me, front and center - yes, those are my real teeth. They fit a little better now.)



Now (Tiny's in the braided pigtails.)

16 Comments:

Anonymous TB said...

Reading about your dream made ME feel funny in my stomach. I think the extension cord on the toilet paper roll is very Kafka-esque. I'm not even going to venture a guess as to its meaning because, well mostly because it makes me feel weird and now I'm probably going to have some sort of Metamorphosis-type dream of my own. Thanks a lot.

I LOVE the laptop bag. It reminds me of those vinyl trunks that we used to have to carry our Barbies and accessories around in, which totally would make me buy it. In pink and orange.

And dude, I have been coveting those nesting bowls since I first saw them. LOVE.

Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

4/14/2006 11:25 AM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

I liked your teeth just fine! What a cutie! And the laptop tote? Fabulous, my friend!

4/14/2006 12:17 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

That dream was kind of creepy. Ewwwww...

I haven't yet figured out how to broach the non-religious-yet-meaningful interpretation of holidays with my girls. I like your approach with Madeleine, might have to try something similar.

How do you always find such cool stuff on the web?

4/14/2006 12:31 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

PS I forgot to mention your pretty pretty hair. You were the girl I was deadly jealous of in elementary school because I was stuck with short frizz. I bet you wore those fat twisted yarn bows too, didn't you?
And good lord, is there any visible evidence at all that Jim had a hand in the conception of your children? They look so much like you.

4/14/2006 1:35 PM  
Anonymous Daphne said...

Hm, I am enjoying the Q&A section of the comedian's web site. Also, your explanations for Christmas and Easter sound great. Everyone keeps wishing me a happy Easter and, being childless and not in a job where I get the day off, I really don't care about the holiday. At all. What to say? Happy magic bunny day to you? Read them the part of "Me Talk Pretty One Day" where the French language students try to explain Easter to a Muslim woman? yeah, that's the ticket! "Happy Easter, Daphne!" "Oh, thanks, wait, hang on, I need to read you something..."

4/14/2006 2:42 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

T - I was thinking the SAME thing! I kept thinking a big cockroach was going to crawl out from under the couch and ask for a sandwich or something. That zombie Jesus comment cracked me the fuck up!!! And no - no fat yarn because typically my ponytails were getting dragged in mud or stuck in the chains on the swings. My mom made me french braids almost every day until I was 10.

wrdgrl - I know. I think I've made up my mind. I just have to make sure it fits my puter. (It's creepy, but it's the word the website uses. Puter? I know the copywriter is chuckling still about that.) And thanks about the teeth, but they really were big.

Nancy, let me know if you come up with something else good to say. I'm always looking for suggestions too. (Honestly, I just google phrases like 'cool stuff' or 'shiny pretty things' and hope for the best.)

Daphne, thanks for coming by (again - if I didn't say something already). You've inspired to me read some Sedaris tonight. I read two chapters of Naked and haven't picked it up in weeks.

4/14/2006 3:39 PM  
Blogger Esereth said...

Naked was probably his best. Barrell Fever, don't ever, ever read it. Awful, black souled stuff.

Today somebody congratulated me for finding atheism, with a big sincere grin. So, I'll pass that belatedly on to you.

Still, sometimes I feel sad knowing that I'll never teach my kids to say prayers before bed, something so clean and warm and hopeful about that. Do you ever feel like that?

4/14/2006 9:06 PM  
Anonymous Prairie Dawn said...

Mignon, who IS that maestro?
I've just had my second erotic dream about Viggio Mortensen. Never before have I had more than one erotic dream about the same person. What does this mean? I mean I know he loves me and I love him, but is it actually symbolic of anything?

4/15/2006 2:58 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Es, thanks, I guess, but didn't that sound all smug and self-satisfied, which is one of the things that soured me on religion in the first place. I really do have to post on this, I guess. And no, I don't really miss the prayers before bed because I always felt compelled to say nice things about people I really didn't like, but I do miss the fellowship in the church we used to go to in Eugene and the beautiful traditions at Christmas and Easter. Candles and hymns and such. I miss that stuff.

PD, the maestro is a character on Prairie Home Companion - a public radio show, but more importantly he does sound effects and funny skits on Read Between the Lions, a show Madeleine watches every afternoon when I'm madly hunting for laptop bags on the computer. I want Viggo dreams. Or Hugh Jackman. Or any other number of men besides the white-haired sound effect guy from a children's educational tv show...

4/15/2006 9:24 AM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I am a church going Christian so I celebrate Easter for the traditional reasons. Actually the Easter bunny ISN'T a big deal to my kids.

I was raised Catholic but I am not anymore. I have been Methodist for a long time. I didn't feel like I needed church when I was younger but then when my kids started growing up I went back for them. I wanted them to BE something and have an answer when other kids asked them. Well, I have ended up getting more out of it then they do right now.

Have a great weekend, no matter the reason!

4/15/2006 2:21 PM  
Anonymous Chris said...

How did you hear about Eugene Mirman?! He's my favorite comedian.

4/16/2006 12:38 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Chris - are you a boy or girl? I guess boy. I found EM at Rockin' Rudy's - our local independent record store/head shop/card factory/jewelry store. I always look through the comedy section to see if there's anything new and he was an employee pick.

4/16/2006 9:31 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Debbie, as you probably know I am totally open to anyone's beliefs as long as they doesn't criticize or denegrate others for being different. I actually don't mind prostheletizing, as long as the -tizer allows his listeners to make their own decision without judgement. I applaud you for returning to church, if that is what you really believe and for giving your sons the opportunity to discover what they believe as well.
Happy Easter!

4/16/2006 9:37 AM  
Blogger Orange said...

I didn't grow up with any church involvement, so I don't hanker for things like community, candles, and ritual. Ben hasn't been asking any questions about the whys and wherefores of holidays—guess he's just pleased to get gifts or candy!

I was just talking to another mom from Ben's class. Her ex-husband is from Mexico, and he asked her this weekend what the deal was with the Easter Bunny. Where on earth did that tradition come from? Maybe he's like Santa Claus, not a traditional part of a Christian holiday, but just something cooked up by Americans looking to move merchandise...

4/17/2006 6:07 PM  
Anonymous stella said...

love the kid next to you STUFFIN HIS WORD HOLE!!!

thats awesome...

4/19/2006 9:40 AM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

I think you're doing a great job of explaining the holidays. I think it's easier here, because there's a good-sized Jewish population here, so most kids are used to people not celebrating the same holidays. I'm having a good time picturing Madeline arguing her point with the Catholic kids, though!

4/20/2006 1:10 PM  

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