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Mom's Wisdom
These are things my mom taught me. Important things. Things for a girl to put in her toolbox and go forth to take on the world!
- Shoes on the table is bad bad luck!
- If you pick at the skin on your toes you'll get cancer.
- Sitting to close to the tv will give you cancer.
- Chewing on your lips will give you cancer.
- If you eat raw spaghetti, you'll get worms.
Were you as prepared as I was?
- Shoes on the table is bad bad luck!
- If you pick at the skin on your toes you'll get cancer.
- Sitting to close to the tv will give you cancer.
- Chewing on your lips will give you cancer.
- If you eat raw spaghetti, you'll get worms.
Were you as prepared as I was?
posted by Mignon at 7:32 AM
Don't forget:
Boogers are actually dried up pieces of your brain
If you put your finger in your bellybutton it will go all the way into your stomach and you'll die
If you swallow gum it stays in your stomach for the rest of your life and accumulates into a huge ball of gum
From my mother:
--Boys get turned on when you slap them on the leg while telling a joke.
--Boys think that a girl who French kisses is really just saying she wants to have sex with you.
--Boys will respect a girl if she turns her head aside and refuses to kiss him.
--Having your mother cut your bangs (too short) with sewing scissors is just as good as having it done at the salon.
--Ignorance of sex, body functions and pretty much anything else can easily be mistaken for "innocense and purity" by a boy and is a huge bargaining chip when attracting the opposite sex.
Had enough yet?
From my mother:
--Boys get turned on when you slap them on the leg while telling a joke.
--Boys think that a girl who French kisses is really just saying she wants to have sex with you.
--Boys will respect a girl if she turns her head aside and refuses to kiss him.
--Having your mother cut your bangs (too short) with sewing scissors is just as good as having it done at the salon.
--Ignorance of sex, body functions and pretty much anything else can easily be mistaken for "innocense and purity" by a boy and is a huge bargaining chip when attracting the opposite sex.
Had enough yet?
Innocence. I meant innocence.
I think the only weird/dumb thing my mom tried to sell me on was that you should hold in your farts, because you'll need them later to push out #2's.
My mother told me that if I lied, my tongue would turn black, so she would KNOW I was lying. But I wouldn't be able to see the color change in the mirror. And I believed her.
Sitting too close to the TV will ruin your eyes.
Only monkeys pick their feet.
I'm sure there are more ...
From my mom:
If a boy makes fun of you, it's because he likes you (and dear lord, I said the same thing to Julia last week...).
If you keep pouting like that, a bird is going to think your lower lip is a window ledge, sit on it and poop on it.
And my father used to tell me if I didn't wash in between my toes at bathtime then grass would grow in between them. And they don't make lawnmowers that small so I'd better wash in between my toes.
I like the ones I invented better. Everything Ma said sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher, that waahh waah waah sound.
-wind is caused by the rotation of the Earth, which is why I still hold my arms over my head roller coaster style on a windy day (we're cruisin'!)
-if you swing really high and your bum comes off the seat a little in the descent you have just broken the laws of gravity
-boring people are creepy
-if corn oil is made out of corn and olive oil is made out of olives, what's baby oil made of? (translation: it's fun to make your sister cry and your mom get all worked up).
LMAO Doctormoma! I'm going to use that one day on my kid.
My Mom always gave pretty sound advice. But not Dad. He told me if I held in a sneeze I could pop an eyeball out.
Did you know that - just by looking - you can tell if a girl has had sex with her boyfriend? (So don't be a big ol' slut - EVERYONE WILL KNOW!)
If you eat hotdogs that are even slightly undercooked, you'll get worms and die. Never mind that hotdogs are pre-cooked and just need to be heated, missy, don't give me lip!
Potatoes will grow behind your ears if you don't wash well enough. And they cannot be removed even with surgery. Then everyone will know you didn't wash behind your ears and think you're gross FOREVER.
Biting your fingernails will make them grow back CURLY.
If you don't eat beans once a week you'll stop pooping FOREVER and you'll EXPLODE. And she KNEW someone that happened to and her parents cried and cried and cried.
.. now that I've read everyone else's list, I realize just how little I really know about the world. Huh. Go figure.
I think I might have a lot of cancer.
shit.
"Nobody buys a cow when the milk is free." That one stuck in my mind for a long time. Pretty much until I went on the pill.
From my momma:
(When we were frowning) "Careful. Your face might freeze like that."
From my grandma:
"Don't ever yell 'help.' Even if you need it. Always yell 'fire.' That way people will believe you kids."
From my dad:
(And my personal favorite; I've never been in a fist fight in my life) "You don't start fights. But if someone starts one with you, you finish it." (Um. Ok. * makes a ninja stance * )
Obviously your mother went to the "Scare "Em Straight" school of motherhood.
Hey Mignon. I can only hope you're passing these gems onto your babies. Adding a few to the list maybe? Keep us posted on the any new additions.
So, I take it your mom had a limited outlook on the world.
Here's some more:
Too much sin can give you cancer
Tpp much tobacco too
But hey don't worry about it
There' a two in three chance that you won't get cancer. Be positive!
Don't butter your bread in the air.
A girl should go to college, because then she'll always have something to fall back on. (You know, in case the trapping a man thing doesn't work out.)