Friday, September 01, 2006

Friday Concoction

Wednesday afternoon we got some news that gave us a little glimmer of hope. A little light at the end of the house-selling tunnel. An older couple was very interested and very eager to move and Hoo-Boy! They were going to do a final look-through yesterday evening. So we cleaned the toilets and sprayed down furniture and hid giant mounds of dirty stuff under Pooey's crib. The interested old folks took a good long look and then shat all over us and dressed us in clothing one size too small. DAMMIT! Actually, they just haven't called back, but it sure feels as if I've been shat on. The one-size-too-small part is my own fault, because I really like these pants and I'm occasionally too lazy to try stuff on at Old Navy.

In order to move myself away from the not-ringing telephone I took the kids to IHOP for breakfast. Or, I should say, speed. Madeleine ordered a pancake off the kids' menu. An innocuous, harmless circle of carbs, right? Who in the hell decided to make a kids' pancake out of chocolate batter, with chocolate chunks melted in it, covered in whipped cream and coated on top with more chocolate chips? WHO DID THIS TO ME?? The only bright spot was the two marasheeno (whatever) cherries - you know, fruit! - which Madeleine promptly swept off and stuck in Quinn's mouth. He sampled and deemed them foul and spat them all over my face and French Toast. And now Madeleine is mowing the lawn and churning butter. And Quinn's eating soap. But it's organic!

Links and Asundry
- I found this for Madeleine (read: Jim) the other day and now we're waiting anxiously for its arrival. And then I'll shoot myself. Duh.
- My secret crush. Because nothing says virile like tiny, painstakenly painted figurines.
- Why does organic food have to be so hard to open? I mean, I'm paying an extra $3 for this bag of pretzels already, can't you guys hike up the price another fiddy cents so I can pull the bag open instead of resorting to teeth and corkscrews?
- I rented Hustle and Flow the other night. I only watched about 20 minutes because that's my life, but I was amazed by Terrence Howard's performance. And now I can't stop singing It's Hard Out There for a Mommy...
- Aaaannndd for the final time a-waster... It's a little wiggly Waldo. Dude gets around. That Rwanda one made me tear up a little, but a teeny-tiny part of me is still thinking this guy is just a tad dorky.
- That t-shirt from a couple days ago? Oscar the Grouch, and for some reason it says Sunset Blvd. at the bottom. And no, we're not thinking about moving back to Portland. I was just sad to leave after our vacation and felt all maudlin and homesick when I wrote that last post about it.
- You want to know the sign of bad acting? THE sign (in case you're having trouble deciding... hmm Keanu Reeves or Marlon Brando .... hmm yelling Pacino or actor Pacino...). The sign is when the individual is staring into anothers actor's eyes. The good actors? Just stare. And hey, maybe they even look away! The bad actors? Do that back-and-forth eye movement thing that makes it seem like their looking from one eye to the other in deep concentration. Trying to decide... trying to decipher... trying to gleen... ummm... which eye to look at? Who does that? Nobody. Just bad actors! Now you know.

My scanner's still packed up in a storage unit, so in lieu of Then 'n' Now let's do some random pics...


Look how excited Debbie was to meet me! (You shoulda seen my pants.)




Here's what the new owner did to our yard in Portland. See that nasty-ass raised bed? Used to be a gorgeous Japanese Maple surrounded by hosta and herbs, with a large decorative rock and some thyme groundcover creeping around. It's just not right.




This guy spoke no English and was sporting a shiny row of gold teeth. He may or may not have had some suspicious facial tattoos as well. But he was dying to hold Quinn.




Madeleine's waiting for some cannibal sparrow to come take her chicken nugget bait and be her BFF.




Dappled baby.

13 Comments:

Blogger Esereth said...

God I can't believe how genuinely funny you make your kids sound and look. Most blogging moms can't do that. They make their kids sound "soooooo cute!!!!!" or they try to hard to show how tough and rough and REAL their parenting tactics are. Actually I've never read a mom blogger where it was fun to read about her kids.

Waiting for a bird to take the chicken nugget bait and be her BFF. Either she's hilarious or you are. No, probably both.

9/02/2006 7:56 AM  
Blogger Arabella said...

I am telling myself that they were the smelly kind of old people and that your house is too good for them.

Speaking of houses, who cuts down a Japanese maple?????? For heaven's sake!!!

I haven't been to IHOP in ages! I miss it (there isn't one near us), but I miss Denny's more.

9/02/2006 8:15 AM  
Anonymous Liza said...

OMG I took all three kids to IHOP the day we moved. NE. VER. A. GAIN.
Also, dude, the cannibal sparrow thing was really funny, but what truly got me was how friggin' huge M's FEET look in that shot. I know it's just the angle, but...it IS the angle, isn't it...? ;-)

9/02/2006 12:04 PM  
Blogger Mitch said...

"Are your suggesting chicken nuggets migrate?"
"Of course not! The bird could grip it by the deep-fried-breading."
"It's not a matter of where 'e grips it! - "

Sorry 'bout that, uber excited about Spamalot coming to town.

BFF = Best Fowl Friend?

9/02/2006 3:34 PM  
Anonymous wordgirl said...

Maybe the old people are just...uh...you know..working in "old people time". And when I say "old people time", I really mean S-L-O-W. Maybe they'll get back to you about your house. So clean that poo off of yourself. All is not lost yet.

9/03/2006 5:15 PM  
Anonymous sweatpantsmom said...

You're funny. And a genius, for linking me to Antquarium. My girls are going to seriously love ants in blue gel.

9/03/2006 10:36 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Es, I'm not funny at all. And my kids are ugly and dumb and they don't say cute things. Now you'll never stop reading, right?

Arabella, I'm not talking (or thinking) smack about the old people, because Wordgirl might be right. And I don't want to look at them during a closing someday and think smelly thoughts. I like Denny's but we've got 4Bs, which is far and away the best diner-chain breakfast I've ever had. Never again IHOP. (IHOP used to be much better when they were only big A-framed buildings with gingerbread house detailing.)

Yes, Liza, they are that big. She's gonna do some serious ass-kickin in her life.

Mitch, Best Fowl Friend or Best Foul Friend? I like the latter.

Wordgirl, thank you. I needed a little hope.

SwpMom, maybe I'll wait for you to get yours. Then I can see if they escape and take over the world because of the mysterious blue gel food. (Will you also please have one of your girls eat the blue gel and tell me if she gets sick, because Quinn will most assuredly eat ours. Thanks!)

9/03/2006 10:56 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Is that the same as trying to get cows to eat your hamburger?

And are those figurines for sale? Cause I think I know someone who NEEDS one.

I also love dancing Matt.

9/04/2006 12:25 PM  
Blogger Tink said...

"The good actors? Just stare. And hey, maybe they even look away! The bad actors? Do that back-and-forth eye movement thing that makes it seem like their looking from one eye to the other in deep concentration." OMG. THANK YOU! I f'n hate that. It drives me crazy. It's like they can't hold a normal pose for too long otherwise they're forget they're supposed to be acting.

I love love love the chicken nugget picture and Debbie's wet spot.

And that "Where is Mike?" crap gave me the willies. WHY is he dancing like that?! WHY can't I stop looking?! And WHERE the hell does he get all the money to travel?! And ARE they hiring? I have no idea why I capitalized those words. Get over it. ;)

Good luck on the house. I just lowered my asking price. I'm still pouting. Maybe I'll post about it later.

9/05/2006 2:17 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

*snort* -- that first paragraph about killed me with laughter. You are just too silly.

And how do you find all the amazing links? I usually feel like I find stuff that's out of the popular realm, but you scoop me on interesting stuff all the time.

9/05/2006 6:03 PM  
Blogger Orange said...

I love IHOP. And not just because Feral Mom wrote about our Turdgate 2005 lunch there. Pancakes everywhere else disappoint me, but I can always count on my IHOP. Plus, us big-city folks appreciate a neighborhood place with a parking lot. Really, it was the one safe place to take the kid for a restaurant meal. Screaming? Throwing food? Making a mess? Not a problem. Nobody expects a classy, quiet meal at the IHOP.

Am I the only one who thinks Japanese maples look like giant pot trees?

9/05/2006 7:01 PM  
Blogger Lotta said...

You are a riot! And I need to move West since all the funny moms seem to hang out there!

9/10/2006 7:52 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Debbie will hate me, but I think it's hilarious that that picture of her butt will be forever memorialized by a ROFL Award.

Congrats to you! Funny post!

10/10/2006 5:50 PM  

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