Monday, March 27, 2006

33 Things, Part II

The second installment of the exciting serial...

Stuff about Me (rockin sweats-under-shorts since 1979)

34. I'm good at jigsaw puzzles. I can do them for hours at a time.
35. My dream job is to be a syndicated columnist for newspapers or magazines.
36. When the kids are back in school, I want to go back to college because engineering is boring and I hated it.
37. Except the time I had to repair a steep, concrete wall along the Willamette River in the middle of summer for 8 days. It was seeping crude oil into the Willamette, and I had to repair the holes for aesthetic reasons.
38. I love hard, physical work like chopping wood and carrying heavy things.
39. I think if the columnist thing doesn't work out maybe I'll be a laborer.
40. Or a teacher.
41. Because I can't burp, I can extend my stomach out so it looks like a giant pumpkin.
42. I used to do this at parties all the time, thinking it was clever and funny.
43. Then I saw a picture of myself and it is, in fact, grotesque.
44. My daughter and I are struggling with control issues right now (I mean both at this moment and at this time in our lives)
45. She tests my patience and parental fortitude daily.
46. Right now I'm feeling extremely angry and I want to run out of the house screaming.
47. My mom says I wasn't like she is.
48. That makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong.
49. One time I drank a little, smoked a little pot, and had a cigarette, then passed out when I was sitting on the toilet peeing. I woke up covered in blood with two chipped teeth from falling on my face on the tile floor.
50. Three months later, in a bar in Portland, I was telling my SIL about it, and the exact same thing happened.
51. My closest guy friend from high school and off-and-on boyfriend died of a heroine overdose six years ago.
52. I think about him almost daily and dream about him often, but had not seen or heard from him for a couple years before he died.
53. I was captain of my college soccer team.
54. I didn't vote for myself - I thought everyone was going to vote for Dawn B.
55. I have a heart murmur, like my mom, and when the doctor couldn't find/hear it at my last visit I was terribly sad.
56. My oldest brother knocked out my first tooth when we were boxing after school one day. He's 6 years older than me.
57. I don't know when I ever would have embraced my feminine side if I didn't have kids.
58. It's tough to be a tomboy while nursing a baby.
59. I would love to be on a reality tv show.
60. Mostly so I could publicly humiliate the idiots that are usually on those kinds of shows.
61. I think sometimes karma needs a little nudge.
62. But also I think I would kick ass on Survivor.
63. If I could change one thing about myself, I would like to be taller.
64. Like 5'11".
65. I quit going to church when I was 13 and invited to a friend's Assembly of God church service.
66. Now I'm an atheist.

23 Comments:

Blogger Tink said...

49. OMG. That's awful! Those are the times you need a wing man to watch out for you. :)
58. LOL. No kidding.
61. More like a kick in the ass.

Great list! More more.

3/27/2006 9:57 AM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

You can't burp??? So, where does it all come out?

That's terrible about your friend dying.

I could totally see you being a columnist. Or a lumberjack.

3/27/2006 10:39 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

tink, I know! My wing man is still my wing man, and was pounding on the bathroom door after I'd been in there much too long. Too bad he didn't catch me the second time when I fell off the bar stool.

Deb - what's another orifice that expells air? And yes! Mignon the Writin Logger. Perfect!

3/27/2006 10:45 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

Good lord, you're hard on your teeth. And I could totally see you winning it all on a show like Big Brother.
I promise not to let you pass out on the toilet if we get a chance to meet in June.
I'm sorry about your friend. It must be difficult to have to reframe him in that way.

3/27/2006 10:49 AM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

Wow, a couple more years and you could be the spokeswoman for dentures.

Kidding.

I can most definitely see you kicking serious ass on Survivor. You should apply.

3/27/2006 12:28 PM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

Columnist...my dream job, too! It's one of the reasons I love blogging so much.

3/27/2006 12:49 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Wordgirl, me too, but I didn't realize it until I saw Brooke's post about how her mom calls her blog a "column." Then the light went on.

mamaT - I know about the teeth, right??!! By all accounts I should look like a B-league hockey goalie, but so far they've all stayed in my head. *knock knock* I'm afraid the Survivor mold keeps shrinking every season. Pretty soon it will only be Playmates and underwear models. I'll have to wait a couple decades until I qualify for the token old-lady spot.

3/27/2006 1:17 PM  
Blogger Arabella said...

If you were on Survivor, I'd actually watch it again. And look forward to it.

I always thought it would be fun to be a carpenter. I bet you'd be good at that--the physical combined with the artistic.

3/27/2006 5:09 PM  
Anonymous Prairie Dawn said...

Mignon, who died of a heroin overdose?
I have a heart murmur too.
Guy wants to be on Survivor, you would both kick ass.

3/27/2006 6:11 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Thanks Arabella. Carpentry is appealing, but I don't know if I have the attention for detail needed. I was thinking landscape artist, specializing in big rocky concoctions.

PD, do you remember Aaron Flick? Tall, dark haired basketball player... I think he and I got together after you were gone - do you have an annual? I can scan in a picture for you. You know what? Guy and I should do The Amazing Race! But we have to wait until the babies are a little older and I'm not so chubby. Then we'd kick ass all over the planet!!

(teebs - thanks. I can think of no better wing man for the Blogfest.)

3/27/2006 7:06 PM  
Anonymous LetterB said...

No no no - you'd be the blogging logger. Catchy!

I was just thinking that I could never ever be on a reality tv show because I am such a doormat in the face of conflict. I'd be on my way home before even losing a quarter my body fat. I would love to see you kick ass on survivor. That would be so cool.

3/27/2006 8:55 PM  
Blogger Esereth said...

I think you're a bit of a cheater. So many of those could have been full fleshy blog entries. My particular interest is the last two, and how they are related to each other. A person's decision to atheism is of so much interest to me, and your conversion sounded like it happened quite suddenly. More more!!

And although a person stalking you would say the same thing, bingo, not only Goldendale do we have, but the Willamette, my dear river just ten miles from this very chair. Thank you for cleaning it and making it prettier.

I think I'm writing extra foo fooey tonight, so apologies.

3/27/2006 9:14 PM  
Anonymous JMo said...

Esereth: First question: do you understand atheism as simply being the lack of belief in god(s)?
Mignon: Was it the sudden realization that its all so ridiculous and implausible? I was confirmed as a Lutheran and then promptly stopped going. I am continually amazed that otherwise intelligent people insist on believing in a masterfully scripted fairy tale...

3/28/2006 7:56 AM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

You are one of the most interesting people I know. You could come up with a great angle as syndicated columnist, I just know it. I'd read ya.

3/28/2006 8:11 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

lb - the loss of body fat has occurred to me (more than once)

Es, you're right. 65 & 66 should be their own post, but more than any of my obnoxious opinions I fear alienating people by talking about atheism. I rarely bring it up. I feel like people think atheists are heathens. That's a lame excuse. I will write about it.

jmo, in a word, yes. But I'll elaborate later.

Jess, golly. Thanks! I very nearly blushed. (I admit I'm cowed by your wit and fancy picture, though.)

3/28/2006 8:35 AM  
Anonymous honestyrain said...

so the teeth, did they grow back or, like, what?

i embraced my feminine side a while back but only like 67%.

100% feminine is terrifying.

huge bummer re your friend and the heroine. geez.

i used to think i wanted to be taller but ach, i'm fine with this. what i have. now a flat stomach. oh that i long for but am too lazy to achieve.

let me know if you are ever on survivor so i can cheer for you.

my son is being a challenge for me right now too. although not RIGHT now. he's in the tub and daddy is looking after him.

when i was 13 i told a devout catholic friend i was an athiest and thought religion was silly. she couldn;t talk to me for weeks. it upset her greatly. i thought that was funny.

3/28/2006 5:33 PM  
Anonymous kathie said...

So funny, Mignon. You are so wonderfully honest. Thanks. You make me smile. I need it today.

3/28/2006 5:51 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

See - you just gave the reasons that women go to the bar bathroom together.

3/28/2006 7:48 PM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

I'm a few days late on this, but I'm glad I didn't miss it! And I have to confess, when I read the last one my first thought was "Oh, no, now she's going to get a million comments from religious zealots." I was pleasantly surprised to see the exact opposite; the only comments on religion were very supportive. You should definately write more about it.

You should also seriously consider the landscape architech thing! One of the things I love most about my job is working with my hands. There's something very satisfying about turning an ugly mound of dirt into something beautiful!

3/30/2006 5:50 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

I could totally see you on Survivor. That would be awesome.

How tall are you? I can't get a sense from your pics.

3/30/2006 7:41 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

GG, I have thought a lot about doing landscaping, but the growing season here is so short, and the deer restrict what can be grown so that it really limits your options. But I think about it still...

Nancy, I'm a very average 5' 5 1/2". Having played sports my whole life, in my little mind, taller is better. I can probably think of a hundred examples where this is not true, but about this, I am not rational.

3/30/2006 9:17 AM  
Blogger Arabella said...

I'm a practicing Catholic and don't think atheists are heathens. We're all entitled to our own beliefs. I just don't like being told that mine are ridiculous or that I'm "too smart" for religion, as I have been told several times in the past by people who think they're paying me a compliment. That aside, I like genuine dialogue. Mignon, your admission that you're an atheist doesn't change my (very positive) opinion of you at all.

3/31/2006 7:21 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Thanks Arabella. I appreciate you saying that. I feel more like I'm being judged if I say what I believe, than I feel like judging others. It's all so hard to generalize and the belief in a god is tied to so many other factors.

I've never come out and said, "You're wrong" because I think of it more like a belief born to you. Either you like grapefruit juice or you don't. Either you enjoy rap music or you don't. I oversimplify, but it's easy to accept and understand why others are religious and I'm not that way.

3/31/2006 1:38 PM  

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