Monday, March 13, 2006

Sugar would totally fix this right now.

I used to do a lot of thinking. I kept journals and read philosophy (that I mostly didn't get - but I tried). I could sit for hours with a cup of coffee and watch the world go by and ponder my place in it. I realized this morning that I've gone too many days to count without once thinking about myself, and the last time I thought about myself it probably involved something negative or critical. Sure, having kids makes you lose yourself a little, and especially young (sick) children. Last night Quinn was up for two hours straight writhing and crying, consuming me. It eats me up, my brain, my body. Chews me up and spits me out. But as we would all agree, a person needs to make time for themselves. Whether that be an hour after everyone's in bed, a long shower, an afternoon every other weekend-

I'm sorry. I'm cutting mysef off. That was all just too damn maudlin and preachy, wasn't it? Is anyone coming this way? I could really use a large decaf mocha and a piece of coffee cake. Quinn seems to be content with the plastic palm tree from the My Little Pony beach party and Ali's doing okay with his empty nutsack. Dogs love to lick this sad little reminder of what could have been, don't they? The licking licking licking is gross gross gross.

Aw hell, I'm just gonna go for a walk and get my own damn sugar. (And do you have any funny stories from the weekend? I'm a little sad.)

Edited to add: I'm not really sad. Just feeling sorry for myself because of various little things that I won't name because you'll just go "Sheesh! What's the big deal? Just use milk instead!" or "There'll be reruns before you know it" or "Nobody knows - just take them off and throw them in the washing machine!"


Anonymous TB said...

I DO! Pick me!
I was going to share this on my site, but I thought it was just too stupid. And it really really is.

Yesterday I took Jeff to the airport. He left for the UK and won't be back until next Saturday. I was a little sad and had taken a bunch of Dayquil, which coincidentally makes me feel like I am having an acid flashback, except I didn't ever hallucinate like that on real acid.
So he's in a hurry because his flight is delayed and he needs to catch another connction so he doesn't miss his international flight out of Newark, I'm feeling like my head could spin completely off my shoulders at any minute and I forget my cell phone at home.

I drop him off, he kisses me quickly and runs out with his luggage and as I'm pulling away I realize there is a ticket sleeve with two airline tickets in it on the front seat of the car. I have no way to call him to see if he needs the ticket.

Oh I forgot to mention I drove him in my car because I wanted to listed to CDs and his CD player is broken and I was below Empty on the gas gauge.

The airport is down at the end of this long two mile road with no outlets and several punishment lights and no gas stations, so I drove three miles to the nearest station on a wing and a prayer, coasted in, got gas as quick as I could and headed back down the long road to the airport terminal thinking if he needed the tickets he would be waiting outside for me.

That's when I finally get the bright idea to actually look at the tickets and realize that they are from his last trip.

Then I went home and watched the fish pond for an hour. Did you know that fish can talk? They told me a great many things.

Feel better Mignon, perhaps some Dayquil would help your mood.

3/13/2006 9:22 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Thank you! That was perfect! Nothing makes my head spin out of control like forgetting my cell phone. Not that I call that many people. In fact I only really call Jim, but really it's like forgetting a limb. AAA, I need to find out if we need butter! AAA, I need to tell Jim it just started to snow! AAA, I need to know what time it is (oh yeah, I have a watch and there's a clock in the car...). And so on.
Slightly less sad now...

3/13/2006 9:38 AM  
Blogger Arabella said...

Awww, Mignon! I know exactly how the little things can get you down. Frickin' exploding oatmeal in the microwave! Bitch on the cover of the Victoria's Secret catalog! Cheap sunglasses keep slipping off!

Let's see, funny story: I don't know if this counts, but here goes.

I usually put a little bit of conditioner on my wet hair in the shower to make it more combable, whether I'm shampooing or not. On my vacation, I was in the process of showering, and realized that I'd left the conditioner in my bag of toiletries. Instead of getting out of the shower, I used generic Cetaphil on my hair instead. Know what? It worked great!

3/13/2006 10:47 AM  
Blogger Odd Mix said...

The absoluter empty nad sack lickers are boxer dogs. They do it incesantly and, between the lips and the copious drool, the noise it, well... you might just be able to imagine how disguting it can get.

Hope you feel better.

3/13/2006 10:47 AM  
Blogger Arabella said...

BTW, thanks for putting my return date on your calendar! I am genuinely touched. :)

3/13/2006 10:48 AM  
Blogger Odd Mix said...

Hmm. We seem to have hade a temporary keyboard failure there. "The absolute worst empty..." was how that was supposed to start.

3/13/2006 10:49 AM  
Anonymous DD said...

Chin up darling. Wanna give my therapy a try?? Sometimes I just wonder how much I'll miss all this young childhood neeeeeeeediness when our little girl is much older and independent. When the friends are over, and I'm a hopelessly clueless idiot who is not allowed to step foot in the bedroom it will be too late to enjoy it anymore.

pssst. TB - I think you might have had some really bad acid if DayQuil is that trippy for you. Either that or you are blessed with a wonderfully unique biochemistry.

Anyone appreciate the wonders of Alleve Cold medicine? I always ask my family and friends to bring it over from the states. I can function all day with a hellacious cold, and I get to alternate between manic and depressive feelings for 12 hours with just one tablet.

But I digress, and it goes well with wine.

3/13/2006 10:50 AM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

Ugh, I hate days like this. Be good to yourself. Consume sugar, buy something nice for good.

3/13/2006 10:50 AM  
Anonymous LetterB said...

Yesterday a homeless man in the subway shook my 15-month old's hand and said "Nice to meet you Mr. President."

3/13/2006 10:54 AM  
Anonymous DD said...

Perhaps one more cheer up for Mignon though...

Our first experiment with downloaded movies was "The 40 Year Old Virgin." Throughout the movie I wondered about the use of this artistic cinematographic technique of using a laugh track in a movie - even if it was a little off sync at times.

I discussed this with a friend at work today who quickly pointed out that my "laugh track" was just the audience in the cinema where the movie was illegally filmed.


(please do feel free to laugh AT me, not with me :)

BTW - itsa hillarious film - even without the laugh track

3/13/2006 10:57 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

"empty nutsack" Those two words made me double back and reread. I'm still chuckling. So easily amused. Funny weekend story?

I hopped a fence at the car wash while Hoop was vacuuming his backseat out. I wanted to see if I could find any Hobo Motels. Ya know, a pile of cool junk and a cardboard box? Anyway... I found it. Little did I realize there was a train track behind the car wash too. I got the bejeezus scared outta me as one rattled by. Poor Hoop. All he knew was that I disappeared and suddenly a train is going by and I'm screaming. He says I'm giving him grey hair.

3/13/2006 10:59 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Thanks guys - it's all good...
Arabella, I had to google cetaphil. It's lotion or something? Did I read that you can do that on your site or was it in a magazine? I'm picturing a wet arm sticking out of a shower, patting around on the counter for a tube of something or other and ... aha lotion!

OM - I'm not sure if I'm nauseous now from my sickness or your description of a boxer's hygiene habits.

DD - that was funny. Did it really sound like a laugh track? I have to wait on all the fun cold remedies until Quinn doesn't need the mom milk any more.

LetterB - I literally guffawed when I read that. I startled Quinn enough to distract him from pressing all the stereo buttons.

MamaT - thank you. I will - any suggestions for online shopping fun? Don't think I'll be leaving the house again...

3/13/2006 12:32 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Oops, and Tink - what?? You hopped a fence to go looking for hobo villages?? And then what? Get a tour, talk about neighborhood association dues, swap landscaping tips? WHAT??? And then you almost got run over by a train?? WHAT???

3/13/2006 12:35 PM  
Blogger Arabella said...

Mignon--Cetaphil's a "low-lather" face cleanser, meaning that it's a face cleanser that feels like a lotion.

Yes, that drippy arm was mine. :)

3/13/2006 2:47 PM  
Anonymous kathie said...

I could have written this post as to what pushed me to make a trip to Kiawah Island this past week, without the kids. The degree to which my mind unraveled and the need I had to just walk and be, surprised me and told me I have to be careful about taking care of myself. Small kids suck everything out of us...and while they're wonderful, we have to preserve ourselves to function properly...the key is figuring out how to get the Kiawah effect at home.

3/13/2006 4:14 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

I've been known to flip my shit cause you bought the Chicken noodle soup with the SKINNY NOODLEs? JESUS Who eats Chicken Noodle soup with SKINNY NOODLES!

Then, I crawl back into my cave and return when I feel human again.

Go read my goat story.

3/13/2006 5:39 PM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

Funny weekend stories...let's see...well, there is one that I was actually going to email you about! Your last comment on my post about my dad's shoulder surgery led to a funny situation. You wrote, "I keep going back to the Mark Pettus picture" and I'm like, "Hey! My dad must look like some famous man named Mark Pettus!"

I even googled this guy, and sure enough, there was some doctor named Mark Pettus with a 70s pornostache like that picture of my dad. I'm all, "Wow, Mignon sure has the arcane references! She's brilliant!"

I figured out later that you were actually talking about the profile photo of another commenter in that post. The guy in ass chaps.

I'm such an airhead.

3/13/2006 6:13 PM  
Blogger Brooke said...

If I were nearby, I'd be right over with all you needed. No one should have to get their own damn sugar.

3/13/2006 7:43 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Dawn, just the phrase 'skinny noodles' feels wrong on my tongue. Like low-fat ice cream. Wrong wrong wrong!! ..(heading over for some goat? story now)...

Jess, that was really funny! Me? Arcane reference person? Oh wait... so this means I'm not actually brilliant... but did you see that guy's bum in the chaps anyway?

Brooke, thank you. I know! My mom sent me an e-mail after she read this post (I have to e-mail her my posts because she's in China and they censor blogs - interesting, huh?). She said the same thing!

3/13/2006 8:03 PM  
Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

I am so sd I don't live in IF anymore, I'd come up and bring ya something, we could find someone to watch the kids and head out to a spa.

You, myself and mama_tulip have all been having a rough time with the sick kids. It does turn you inside out and tired, OMG, does it ever wear you out. I spent the weekend holding court in my bed. I was soooo lazy and tired....If you wanna meet in Vegas, I hear they have a Pink's store in the Forum shops at Ceasars.

3/13/2006 8:42 PM  
Blogger DoctorMama said...

You're holding off on the fun cold medicines until after weaning? No wonder you're crabby! The amount that gets into the milk isn't even enough to unstuff his nose. Along the same lines, did you know that the percentage of alcohol that gets into breastmilk is probably about the same as your blood alcohol content? So it could get up to 0.01%, or a thousand times weaker than wine ... not even enough to chill him out. (Believe me, I've tried.)

Hmmm, funny weekend story -- hmm, I guess my weekend was mirthless. What a shame.

3/14/2006 6:46 AM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

Man..I wish something funny HAD happened to me yesterday. I would SO tell you about it. I hope today is better.

3/14/2006 6:47 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

How can I get someone in ass chaps to comment on MY blog???

I am so jealous.

I hope today has more happy things in it.

3/14/2006 8:41 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Darn Blogger -- I couldn't get over here yesterday to comment, although I could see your post in Bloglines. I was *this* close!

Sadly, I have no funny stories. I do hope you were able to liberally apply sugar of any of all kinds to the situation, and that you are doing better today.

3/14/2006 9:24 AM  
Anonymous DD said...

It did indeed sound like a laugh track, but sometimes out of synch, and not exactly right.

Funny that these two observations didn't make me think that it was real audience laughter. Instead they prompted a "my, how artistic and unique" response.

I guess it's not so bad when reality passes as art!

Perhaps that's what we get for enjoying the cinema instead of the theatre (as the British might say).

3/14/2006 11:11 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Thanks you guys. I appreciate the good thoughts.

Ditsy, I am not in your league: three kids, full-time career and single parenting? Your situation makes me feel like a slacker. Like I need to poke out an eye and take in several special-needs foster children in order to compare myself to you.

DoctorMama, thank you. The cold part is mostly gone, but I will mentally print and laminate what you said for future reference. I once heard a lactation specialist say she read a study indicating alcohol passed in and out of breast milk fairly quickly, which I've tried to verify but can't.

3/14/2006 11:35 AM  

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