Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Writin' Wednesday

It's back. Here's Part I, if you missed it. A whole hell of a lot of nothing happened, but it was all I could manage that first time. Andy the Virus is still here. Still poking his nose all up in my business when I'm trying to watch American Idol (which I've renamed Taylor and Mandisa Are My Favorites But That Rocker Guy Chris Is Going to Win). And still running out the back door... (Are you saying Enough Already! with the back door thing? Yeah, okay. That was the last quip. I promise.)

Life in the Valley
The cleaning didn't get done. Lanny and Bill shared a joint on the couch by the DJ booth. Bill kicked off his work boots and took off his socks.
"You think that chick Lori is hot?"
Lanny rubbed his face with both hands. "I don't know... do you mean Laura? The really young one? She's jailbait, dude. How'd she end up here anyway?"
"She came with Mike... Laura? Huh... she ain't too young - she works at the plant or something. Tight ass. Nice tits too."
Lanny closed his eyes and leaned back against the vinyl. The floor and tables all around them were littered with cans and pizza crusts. He would have to clean it up in the morning before Gary opened. Or at lunch. He'd have time to do it at lunch. Gary was going to find out anyway. He'd know as soon as he saw that crack in the jukebox. Bill threw a pizza crust at him.
"What the hell! What?"
"I said, did I tell you about last weekend? When I had to drive down to Polson with that feed load?"
"Yeah, idiot. You told me yesterday."
"Huh. You shoulda seen that little bitch. A little ugly, but tight. You know? She was just standing there with that sign. It shoulda said Fuck Me." Bill laughed at his joke. He laughed until he started coughing. A hard, ugly hack.
Lanny sat up and looked at him, then sat back and closed his eyes again. He needed to go back to 7-11 and pick up some rubbers before he went to Christines. Rubbers and Diet Coke. She'd like that. Maybe he'd get some Skittles or something for the kid too. Christine didn't like her eating candy too much, but that kid always went apeshit when Lanny brought her candy. He liked that. Seeing her jump to reach the bag, trying to climb up his arm to get it. Sometimes he'd grab her and swing her around and toss her onto the couch. She'd bounce there, laughing, begging him to do it again. He thought maybe he wouldn't tell Christine and he'd hide them in the kid's lunch box, if he could find it. Maybe a Snickers or Skittles or something.
He opened his eyes again. The buzz was wearing off, and he was getting a headache. "Come on dude. I gotta go. I'll give you a ride home or your car or whatever. Come on!" He threw Bill's boots and socks onto his lap and shoved some of the cans and pizza crusts into a pile. The boys got their pot, shut off the lights and locked up their brother's roller rink. The neon roller skates blinked a couple times, reflecting in the puddles as they walked out to Lanny's car, then finally went out.


Now I know there's a point of view issue going on, but I like it better this way than in the last part, so I'll work on that later. Also, this section hasn't been edited at all. Tell me if I've left out any explanatory stuff or if anything doesn't make sense. I've had this story half done for so long that I may have left out something I know about these guys, but those of you that don't live with them in your head may not know. You know? I just read it over again and I realized that it's actually a very short blurb. I feel like there's a lot going on, but somehow it comes across very... well, short. I'll have to think about this some more. If I need to expand something or not.

17 Comments:

Blogger Tink said...

FINALLY! :)

God you write well. And I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass. Because frankly, I don't do that. You have a way of sucking the reader in. I think it's because you write dialog how people actually speak. That's hard to do.

3/15/2006 10:28 AM  
Blogger Jaye Wells said...

Condoms and diet coke? Throw in some chocolate and you've got a recipe for sex, my friend.

I like it. I am still trying to figure out what's going on, but maybe it will get cleared up later. For example, in the first scene he goes to the store across the street. Why didn't he get the condoms there? And why were they in the car outside the rink to begin with? I could have missed something though.

Overall, I think you have a great voice and wonderful description and dialogue.

3/15/2006 11:13 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

I'm with Jaye. Your dialog flows really well. That is not easy to do. And I didn't notice the perspective issue until I went back and re-read the first part.

Jaye, they're potheads. I can't tell you how many times I've had to go back to the store for things I've forgotten. And that's WITH a list :o)

3/15/2006 11:35 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

And maybe if I could spell dialogue, my raving about it would actually mean something. Sheesh.

3/15/2006 11:37 AM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

I agree; you do write dialouge really well. I'm interested to find out what these guys end up doing, and if Lanny gets laid.

3/15/2006 11:48 AM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

I love it! You're not going to make us wait two weeks for more, are you?

3/15/2006 1:00 PM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

I say "don't stop the inspiration and keep writing until you feel you're done with an entire chapter". Then, tinker with it. Run, Forrest! Run--I mean--Write!

3/15/2006 3:16 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Tink, do not blow smoke up the back door, cause it's coming back your way with a vengance.

Andy the virus has found a nice creative home. Do you blame him for wanting to linger?

3/15/2006 4:14 PM  
Anonymous LetterB said...

I want to read more - you've won half the battle. And by writing at all you've won the other half! I agree with wordgirl - as hard as it can be (logistically and otherwise) keep writing all the way through and then perfect. AKA the "shitty first draft" method (anne lamott). I believe strongly in this method, but obviously, as with anything creative, do whatever works for you.

3/15/2006 5:41 PM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Is tomorrow babysitter day??? Will you continue writing? I hope so!

3/15/2006 6:22 PM  
Anonymous kathie said...

Awesome start! You're doing a great job. Love writing wed. also, I missed the vote off tonight!!! Who got the boot on A.I.?

3/15/2006 6:37 PM  
Anonymous Prairie Dawn said...

It's excellent Mignon, I'm freaking about the girl with the sign. Also freaking about the little girl. You're creating some serious unease here. x

3/15/2006 6:58 PM  
Anonymous Prairie Dawn said...

Mignon, I'm concerned about Andy. He sounds exotic. I have a dear frind who shat inappropriately for years and it was in fact a parasite that found her when she fell into a murky river in Africa. Is a parasite a possibility? It upsets me to think of you inconveniently sharting your way through your busy life, you don't need this. Have you seen our beloved Phillip Seymour Hoffman in "Along Came Polly"? He is priceless and you may feel a sharp twinge of recognition when you see the party scene. I know you can beat this. I can't help seeing you as Sigourney and Andy as the Alien. Andy is indeed a bitch. Thinking of you x

3/15/2006 7:12 PM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

"Rubbers and Diet Coke. She'd like that."

Great stuff! Seriously. Beyond the dialogue, voice, & tone, I also love the imagery with the neon roller skates blinking & being reflected in the puddles before going out.

Are you submitting this anywhere?

3/15/2006 7:42 PM  
Blogger Jaye Wells said...

TB,

I don't smoke pot and that happens to me all the time. Of course, I gave birth which kills just as many brain cells without the buzz. The munchies and paranoia are there though.

Now stop talking about me and pass the chocolate.

Jaye

3/15/2006 8:21 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Thanks for all the positive stuff everyone. I am also glad someone asked about the in-and-out of the car confusion. Yeah, that got messed up by writing it 2 weeks apart, and thanks for noticing Jaye. Thanks a freakin lot! ;) - Teebs is right about the pothead thing, plus I need Lanny to go back to the store later to talk to someone...

Jess, I would like to. Submit it, that is. I think it has a long way to go, though.

PD! Are you just constantly lurking and teasing me with your just occasional comment? Brat. We have a dust-encrusted dvd of Along Came Poly sitting on top of our tv. It's been there for over a year, and I can't bring myself to watch a movie with Ben Stiller in it, but now that you've alerted me to PSH... well, I'm gonna do it!! Later!! When the children are grown and I can again watch a movie!
I'm giving Andy a couple more days to screw around here, and if he doesn't pack his things and go dirty someone else's dishes I'm calling in the big guns. (I hadn't thought of a parasite, but now I will be constantly!)

3/15/2006 8:44 PM  
Blogger Jaye Wells said...

What? (Looks around innocently)

BTW the PSH scene in Along Came Polly is freakin hilarious. I think I fell a little bit in love with him then. Which is odd considering the subject he's discussing. Watch it! Just don't drink or eat anything during PSH's scenes.

3/16/2006 8:48 AM  

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