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Friday Concoction
Jim and I got into an argument last night. Our arguments consist of one person getting angry, then the other person getting angry because the first person got angry, then several hours of monosyllabic conversations and no-eye-contact, and then finally we pretend it didn't happen and everything goes back to normal. Unless it's a big deal, arguments just come and go like bad gas. This one I'm not so sure about. Jim is really starting to resent and dislike my time spent with my web log (he initially told me it was the word 'blog' that put him off because it sounded so hokey and who could get serious about something that sounds like a cartoon monster), and I am frustrated with his lack of understanding. He just can't conceive that I've made friends through the internet and he likes to compare this to on-line dating, which, no matter how mainstream it becomes, will always be thought of as odd and geeky. So I guess he thinks I'm odd and geeky.
Last night when figure skating was on (Emily Hughes, to be exact - I don't like her for some reason) I hopped over here to buy that chimp t-shirt from my last post and suddenly he was giving me the silent treatment. Now I have to sneak around. I'm cheating on my husband for this. So today I've been feeling alternately guilty and happy. Just like a cheater. Am I a cheater? Or is he being unfair and close-minded? I can't decide, and it doesn't seem like discussing it with him will make it better. Now I'm wondering if it all comes from him not reading what I write. I just don't know.
So, now on with the Concoction
Links Section (I've been shopping a little...)
And now, in honor of my gorgeous, wonderful, sometimes-not-very-understanding husband...
Then
Now
Last night when figure skating was on (Emily Hughes, to be exact - I don't like her for some reason) I hopped over here to buy that chimp t-shirt from my last post and suddenly he was giving me the silent treatment. Now I have to sneak around. I'm cheating on my husband for this. So today I've been feeling alternately guilty and happy. Just like a cheater. Am I a cheater? Or is he being unfair and close-minded? I can't decide, and it doesn't seem like discussing it with him will make it better. Now I'm wondering if it all comes from him not reading what I write. I just don't know.
So, now on with the Concoction
Links Section (I've been shopping a little...)
- The most beautiful black shirt I've ever seen. Are you going to London. Will you pick one up for me?
- Finally, some class in the bathroom.
- There are cat people out there. I will accept that fact as long as you don't buy those ugly carpeted scratching posts.
- Know any little skater kids? Make sure they got the right threads. (The little baby Vans. SO cute.)
And now, in honor of my gorgeous, wonderful, sometimes-not-very-understanding husband...
Then
Now
posted by Mignon at 10:37 AM
When Hubby gives me the silent treatment, I've found it's best to leave the room. Because my house is so small, the only other room to go to is the computer room (other than my bedroom, but there's nothing to do in there except sleep, which I'm not likely to do at, say, 6pm). So I usually end up on the computer, even though sometimes my being on the computer is the whole reason he's annoyed at me to begin with.
These guys of ours...they just have to realize we have different hobbies than they do. My husband likes to watch "Cops" and "Nancy Grace" and endless hours of the traffic report on TV (even if we're not going anywhere). When he does those things, I like to go on the computer.
Try presenting as a hobby. Maybe then he'll be more understanding.
I love the wedding picture, by the way!
Wow, you two are a gorgeous couple.
My husband J not only reads my blog, but he reads many of the blogs I read as well. Sometimes I get frustrated (like when he pokes holes in my posts or comments) but a lot of times it's nice, because he's come to see the people I interact with online as "people" and not just "people he doesn't know."
I've gotten uneasiness about the revealing nature of blogging the couple of times I've mentioned it to coworkers or friends. "Just be careful, you never know what kind of psychos you might meet." I think that kind of opinion and fear is the reason for the skepticism, in part. But normal people exist on the internet now too -- it's so pervasive in life.
Maybe the answer is for him to become more a part of your blogging life--to read your posts and your comments, etc. Also, you bore his babies and rear them, so you're entitled to a little computer time as well.
I used to resent my husband's extended time on the computer. Then, I started my own blog. Now we talk about stuff we each find and read online during the day. It's actually become a way of bringing us closer.
He's a looker, AND SO ARE YOU! LOVE the wedding photo. You look very happy.
Try to get him to read what you write, Mignon. I know he would see this whole thing in a different light.
And you were as stunning then as you are today. What a gorgeous bride.
Have him start his own blog. I inadvertantly gave the suggestion to Hoop and now he's DYING to try it. His ideas for a theme are a little um... less than ideal though.
LOVELY picture. You guys are both such hotties.
I can't see the black shirt--it's showing a blue one. But we have a Pink store here in NYC. If you really want it, let me know, and I can pick it up and send it to you. I'd be happy to do it.
My husband reads my blog. He's always been a part of it -- would it help if your husband were more a part of your blog?
((hugs)) Fights suck.
Gorgeous wedding picture - it looks like something out of a magazine and you two are Super Models (tell him I said that and maybe he will like me!).
It is weird and I myself have pondered this "relationship" I have with my cyber-friends. But when I think very hard it makes my blonde little head hurt so I stop and just enjoy!
I feel silly giving advice cuz I can't imagine I've thought of anything you haven't already.
Yet here I go. When Rock surfed and I didn't, I thought he was ignoring me AND hogging the computer.
Solution was to designate times. He surfed when I was asleep or when I had something good to do. And he limited his time, an hour or two, depending on my genorosity. But I sorta always had to come first.
Would anything like that work for you guys?
Did I just repeat everyone else? But with more pizzazz? Right?
Thanks for the support everyone. I spoke to Jim on the phone right after I wrote this and he confessed that he feels bad when I'm on the computer after he gets home because he doesn't get to see me all day, and, well, that's just plain nice and made me feel bad. But there's still the issue of when do I have time to read/write/comment then? Today I went into the college hang-out center and put an ad on the board for a part-time babysitter. I also made a deal with Jim that I wouldn't be on the computer sporadically after he gets home, but in one block of time so that it didn't seem like I was always doing it.
Also, thanks for the nice compliments of our wedding photo. It really was a beautiful event. Maybe I'll write about it sometime....
Yes, Wordgirl, and others who said the same, I do need to get him to read what I write and what you all are writing too. He can't force me to quit blogging, but he can make me feel really bad for doing it.
And also, in all fairness, if he had a hobby that kept him from spending quality time with us I would feel a little resentful and try to make him feel guilty for doing it as well.
It's all work in progress.
Arabella, I fixed the black shirt link, but on further inspection it has pink buttons (I think?). I still love it, but I'm not sure about all the rest of y'all. And plus it's what, $200 or something? Still... I will think about it as I fall asleep tonight...
Mignon, I have some thoughts on this but Jemima's awake and I smell pooh. Will write later. But what about that shirt!!!! I'm slightly aroused.
Your writing is lovely and it's great to see you open up and experiment. I'm sure Jim will see the value in this 'hobby' when he starts reading. My husband reads, truly appreciates and enjoys my writing (he is a writer himself) but I know he'd still rather a blowj*b sometimes instead of me blogging at night. Sigh. Marriage is full of compromise.
Are you actually blushing in that wedding photo?? Beautiful shot.
pd, please change her and tell me what you think! (and the shirt?? I know!!)
and letterb, I'm blushing right now because of the bj comment (blushing from a similar memory) and I'm blushing in the wedding photo because the damn officiator guy keeps f*ing up my name
I just clicked here through Mama Tulip...and I recognize Nancy here. Hello! My husband helped set up my blog and reads it regularly, but has said more than once "Wow...I can't believe how much you really enjoy your blog!" Translation..."WOW, you're kind of obsessed with it, aren't you?" I try not to hunker down on my laptop during the key dinner and pre-bedtime hours. It sounds like your husband just wants back a little of the evening for the two of you. Hopefully you can find a compromise. Fighting stinks.
Ditto on the unreal gorgeous wedding photo!
"I know he'd still rather a blowj*b sometimes instead of me blogging at night. Sigh. Marriage is full of compromise."
Sometimes? He'd rather get one of those every day all day, but will settle with sometimes.
Mignon, I am very familiar with the you're angry at me so I'm angry with you scenario. We rarely have big fights. I'm glad you guys got to the root of the prob though. Usually when hubby gets that way he either hasn't had sex in the last 72 hours, feels like I am not making time for him, or I've gone into a spending frenzy at Target.
My husband doesn't really read my writing. He doesn't downright refuse, but he knows me well enough to know that nothing he says will be right. However, he does read my blog. He even bugs me if I've gone too long without a post. I think it's a way for him to read something I write without the pressure of immediate feedback like with my books. Sometimes I even throw in private jokes or comments just for him.
I understand the tendency to spend a lot of time on blogs. It's so easy cause there are always new ones to check out. But I am pretty bad about this too. Sometimes I have to remind myself that the Blogosphere won't implode if I take a day off.
Jeez, sorry for the long post.
Jaye
Hi Jamie - thanks for stopping by! You hit the nail on the head. And ever since our discussion about the whole thing Jim has decided to start reading. I'm not sure that is exactly what I want (he still can't figure out the whole comments thing at least), but we're making progress, at least.
Jaye, I remember the days when Jim thought every 72 hours was a good schedule. And I remember his quiet frustration at hour 73... now he's just plain lucky whenever he gets lucky. I'm curious if my writing will change at all, knowing that Jim is reading...
Terrance read my blog once.
At first he made fun of me, and now he just lets me be. He doesn't understand my blog relationships - but he has stopped teasing me about it. And with the BlogHer invite, he seems to understand that it is something I might even be Good At.
Know what is good for after fights? Yep. Make up sex - or dessert. Either one will do.
I have a friend (a close one, mind you) who refuses to read my blog. In fact, he rolls his eyes every time I mention "blogs." Granted, my blog isn't for everyone (i.e. the non-poop obsessed), but it still stings. If my husband didn't read (i.e. sigh "OK, I'll go read your post" after I repeatedly pester him with "have you read it yet? huh? huh? Have you?") I think it would be really hard for me to deal with. So, my sympathies. Perhaps he could be convinced to start his own? Then you could read each others' blogs and leave each other comments. Ouch, that is hot! Like your wedding photo. Y'all are a fine looking couple.
Wait a minute—I left a long comment here earlier this evening, and it's not here. Blah blah, it was about making new friends, like-minded friends who are experiencing some of the same things you are, via blogging. My closest friends in "real life" are all childless, they all work full-time, and some of them live far away. My local mommy-type friends are nice, but we don't have all that much in common besides having a 5-year-old kid. My blog friends tend to have small children, but they tend to be every bit as smart and snarky as my real-life good friends. And when I've met bloggers in the flesh (like Feral Mom and Bitch PhD), we can talk like old friends. Given that I'm mainly a stay-at-home mom, I'd lose my mind without these outlets. You know? You do know.
P.S. to Feral Mom—some of my best friends refuse to read my blog. They may ask me something, and I'll say, "I wrote all about that on my blog. Just read that post; it's all there"—and they won't read it. Now, if I wrote something that appeared in the newspaper, they'd all run to buy a copy to see it and read it. But I feed my writing urge elsewhere, and it's as if it's not worthy of their attention just because it's a blog, and they don't "get" blogs. Pfft. You'd think they'd want to see what's on their friend's mind during the week, but no-o-o-o-o. /rant
I argue with my husband in much the same way. I hate to argue and I am sorry your blogging was the cause. I hope you work something out, that does not include the end of your blogging. I have some of the same problem with time blogging and my kids. I have to blog after they go to bed, which ends up being rather late.
Your wedding picture is just lovely.
That is the best black shirt ever.
Hubby is, in fact, going to London soon. If you want it, it's yours. I'm serious!
And the two of you are soooo beautiful in your wedding pic!!
Orange, I've thought the same thing about Jim not reading. If I left my post on the table scribbled on a note pad in crayon he'd be much more likely to read it than if it were in its current format. In fact last night I was writing a grocery list on a piece of torn paper bag and litterly tackled me so as to be able to see what I was writing.
Brooke, I'm tempted, but damn they're expensive and I really have to lose 15 pounds and at least a portion of my super-expanded waist before buying a gorgeous, fitted top. Plus I think black shows off puke and drool stains too well for this phase of motherhood. But I will continue to dream.
Gorgeous photos...I can totally identify with the whole, person A is angry with person B for being angry in the first place.
Mignon,
give him a break. I used to do the same thing to Terry when she would spend half the night on-line with her movie buddies discussing some british actor who has played Mr. Darcy too many times in too many movies.
I think the frustration is due to the "appearance" that the wife is spending time with other people instead of her loving husband (even though said husband spends way too much time on his own hobbies).
Men can be really good at getting mad at you for doing something they do all the time. - Hey - I'm the only one who gets to be a selfish bastard...
JMo in Ptown