Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Clearing the Board

I keep lists of observations in my bag, on my desktop, in my nightstand and in my frontal lobe. The lists have become problematic in their length, so I need to clear the air a little. Imagine this post to be one of those new-fangled air fresheners that puff some smelly goodness in the air, thus eliminating the pet/cigar/weird cousin odors (the odors being my lists, of course):

  • Those commercials with the real people talking about some kind of investment company, in which the real people are generated into a kind of animated person are extremely unsettling. I turn them off, but I still can't get the cartoon-real person out of my head.
  • If you bring a cow bell or an air horn to a sporting event, I don't like you.
  • If you can whistle with your fingers in your mouth, I think you are SO cool! If I could do that, my fingers would be perpetually prune-y from all the finger-in-mouth whistling.
  • Lyle Lovett bothers me, and it bothers me that Lyle Lovett bothers me, because he's neat.
  • I always think dark chocolate is going to taste better than it does.
  • Apple is the best processed fruit flavoring. It's hard to fuck up apple flavor. Raspberry is second.
  • All guys that are spouses of famous female bloggers have square glasses.
  • Underwear should not come with tags. Hanes figured this out with t-shirts, why can't everyone else take note?
  • Ayn Rand's prose makes me feel like I'm being attacked by a thousand tiny angry men with spears.
  • You can have too many pictures in your house.
  • Sometimes classical music is as noisy as bad punk. And the stage whisper of NPR disc jockeys is one of the worst sounds on the radio. I prefer the Emergency Broadcast System test screech.
  • It's a nice surprise to see a good bumper sticker.
  • In a crowded room it makes me shiver a little when I think half the people probably voted for Bush.
  • It also makes me shiver to think a quarter of the women have probably been sexually assaulted.
  • Few things are as immediately gratifying as a straight shot of whipped cream, squirted directly into your mouth.

That's probably enough for now. I've at least cleared out the nightstand and the back of my checkbook.


Anonymous Nancy said...

I love this list. What a great idea to make random thoughts and notes into a post like this.

BTW, I think the underwear makers have figured out the no-tags thing with kid clothes -- the last set of undies and camisoles I bought for Big-A were imprinted with size/care instructions rather than including a tag.

2/15/2006 9:38 AM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

Speaking of underwear, I put a pair on this morning and pulled at a little thread hanging off of them...within seconds the entire pair of underwear had unraveled into one giant thread that I was holding in my hand.

2/15/2006 10:38 AM  
Blogger Jaye Wells said...

Not to make you go into convulsions or anything, but some of your blog readers voted for Bush too.

2/15/2006 10:47 AM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

My favorite bumpersticker:

Frodo failed.
Bush has the Ring.

2/15/2006 10:53 AM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

Half a room of Republicans makes me feel the same way, Mignon. The same goes (to a lesser extent) of too many pictures in a house. Love whipped cream shooters. Hershey shooters (syrup) are awesome, too. Lyle Lovett looks strange, but he's a cool guy, I think. I make lists, too.

2/15/2006 11:03 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Mama T, was that a late Valentines Day present from your husband? Instead of edible underwear, self-destruct underwear?

Nancy - What brand??? I'm all over that!

Oh, Jaye, you're right. Some of my readers Have Cats, some think Ayn Rand is brilliant, and some probably can't throw a football ( ;P ), but I won't kick them out of my site for eating crackers. How you vote is about as personal as how you wipe your butt. But of course I'm always going to say which way I think is best. That's just my way.

2/15/2006 11:13 AM  
Blogger Jaye Wells said...

No problems, Mignon. Just thought I'd come out of the closet so to speak.

BTW, Ayn Rand was a genius.

*Ducks and runs.

2/15/2006 11:23 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

Fantastic list. I love the way your mind works.

"Apple is the best processed fruit flavoring. It's hard to fuck up apple flavor. Raspberry is second." No shit. Banana is the worst. BTW: I hate Gwen for screwing up that word. I will never see/hear/read it the same again!

LMAO Gradual Gardener! I want that bumper sticker.

2/15/2006 11:33 AM  
Blogger Arabella said...

A coupla things:

1. The whipped cream must be homemade for full ecstasy-inducing effect.

2. Totally agree about apple, but it has to be SOUR apple, or else it just reminds me of that sad Depression-era mock apple pie with Ritz crackers, whether or not it actually tastes like that.

All right, a coupla more:

3. My husband has square glasses. Do you think I will be famous someday???

4. I own a pair of sexy underwear (that I never wear) that is--there's no way of being coy about this--transparent. Yet, IT HAS A TAG. I always wondered what the underwearmakers were thinking. Glad to see them called onto the carpet, so to speak, in print.

2/15/2006 11:48 AM  
Blogger Arabella said...

I did not mean to make a bad dirty joke about "carpet," but now that I see I did, inadvertently, I'm glad I did.

2/15/2006 11:50 AM  
Blogger Shrinking Violet said...

Ditto on tags - no tags on anything ever. I like to drink coffee syrup straight. Also, maples syrup. Love your list! I'm not bothered by a room full of Republicans. I'm bothered by a room full of people. Why am I in a room full of people in the first place???? Get me outta there!

2/15/2006 11:54 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

Hey, Jeff's glasses are square and so are mine. What could this mean?

Also, I like Strawberry flavor the best.

And I don't mind Lyle Lovett, but Elvis Costello freaks me right out.

2/15/2006 12:29 PM  
Blogger mrspao said...

I like the way you think :)
mr spao :)

2/15/2006 2:21 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Yeah, I agree about Elvis. How did he end up with Diana Krall? Although, she is a little bit like a man...
Strawberry! Ick!! Oh, wait - strawberry Pop Tarts are the best, aren't they?

Arabella, the thought of that cracker pie makes my stomach turn. That and fake banana filler.

Hi Mr Spao! (actually now I read your name and think Mistress POW!) Thanks for coming by :)

2/15/2006 2:42 PM  
Anonymous kathie said...

Oh My God,
I agree tremendously with the turning off of those freaky cartoonish real people....who the hell dreamed that up???? Look away, before they steal your soul...or at least your writing ideas.

2/15/2006 2:53 PM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

This was awesome!

And I second Tink with the fake-banana flavor being the most disgusting flavor ever concocted in a lab.

And yes, I always enjoy a good bumper sticker! :)

2/15/2006 5:30 PM  
Blogger Melanhead said...

Thanks for doing the Meme!

Oh my God those investment bank animated comemrcials are so bothersome! What is it, Morgan Stanley? See, it doesn't even do a good job of making the label stick in your mind. And all you're probably doing is staring at the animation and not listening to what is being said, waiting for that last minute sound effect like a dog barking or car passing by before the commercial concludes.


2/15/2006 6:59 PM  
Blogger Jaye Wells said...

By chance I happened upon this explanantion for whistle with two fingers. Enjoy!

2/18/2006 8:38 AM  

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