Clearing the Board

I keep lists of observations in my bag, on my desktop, in my nightstand and in my frontal lobe. The lists have become problematic in their length, so I need to clear the air a little. Imagine this post to be one of those new-fangled air fresheners that puff some smelly goodness in the air, thus eliminating the pet/cigar/weird cousin odors (the odors being my lists, of course):

• Those commercials with the real people talking about some kind of investment company, in which the real people are generated into a kind of animated person are extremely unsettling. I turn them off, but I still can't get the cartoon-real person out of my head.
  
• If you bring a cow bell or an air horn to a sporting event, I don't like you.
  
• If you can whistle with your fingers in your mouth, I think you are SO cool! If I could do that, my fingers would be perpetually prune-y from all the finger-in-mouth whistling.
  
• Lyle Lovett bothers me, and it bothers me that Lyle Lovett bothers me, because he's neat.
  
• I always think dark chocolate is going to taste better than it does.
  
• Apple is the best processed fruit flavoring. It's hard to fuck up apple flavor. Raspberry is second.
  
• All guys that are spouses of famous female bloggers have square glasses.
  
• Underwear should not come with tags. Hanes figured this out with t-shirts, why can't everyone else take note?
  
• Ayn Rand's prose makes me feel like I'm being attacked by a thousand tiny angry men with spears.
  
• You can have too many pictures in your house.
  
• Sometimes classical music is as noisy as bad punk. And the stage whisper of NPR disc jockeys is one of the worst sounds on the radio. I prefer the Emergency Broadcast System test screech.
  
• It's a nice surprise to see a good bumper sticker.
  
• In a crowded room it makes me shiver a little when I think half the people probably voted for Bush.
  
• It also makes me shiver to think a quarter of the women have probably been sexually assaulted.
  
• Few things are as immediately gratifying as a straight shot of whipped cream, squirted directly into your mouth.
  

That's probably enough for now. I've at least cleared out the nightstand and the back of my checkbook.