Keeping On

Thank you all for the kind words and thoughts. We've been doing alright. It seems Jim, Madeleine and I are similar in how we deal with sadness, and we've been brought together by this, for sure. Quinn understands what happened to Sam, but only by definition. I don't think we'll bring the kids to the funeral service. In fact, no we definitely won't. Jim and I agree on that as well. The service is being held at the same time as Madeleine's school Christmas program, and a few hours before her 7th birthday party. It's not that I think or worry that it will disturb her Christmas party, I just think the kids can remember Sam in their own way, without being exposed to heavily grieving adults.

I appreciated Orange's comment to my last post. In the last few weeks, several other middle school-aged kids in our town were hospitalized from choking accidents, so this thing is making the rounds again. Last night, Madeleine wanted to talk about how Sam could've accidentally choked himself, so I explained to her how kids are not very good at foreseeing the outcome of risky behavior. Like how Quinn likes to run through the house with his eyes closed, and repeatedly wang his head on the kitchen door-jam. Like how teenagers drive too fast while talking to friends and fiddling with the radio. Like how Charlie cracked his head open from diving head-first off the school play-structure.

Madeleine wanted me to describe something she does that is risky and potentially dangerous.

I thought for a long time.

"Ummmm.... sometimes you ride your bike too slowly in the alley so that you tip over into the gravel..."

*silence*
*she frowns at me, her mouth scrunched up to one side*

"Is that it?"

"Ummmm... sometimes you climb too slowly and your arms get tired..."

*still frowning*

"So my risky behavior is all stuff that I do too slowly."

"Well, yeah. I guess you're a cautious risk-taker."

"What does that mean?"

"It means Thank God."