Friday, December 22, 2006

Friday Concoction

If you're wondering, we gave her gerbils. Digger and Squirmy. As far as I'm concerned, they go by Shitter 1 and Shitter 2. I'm grateful they've made it through the first 24 hours without keeling over from shock as Pooey screamed at them with his face pressed to the glass. Based on repeated testing of this nature, they will momentarily quit chewing their empty toilet paper rolls, shake their tiny rodent heads at him and shit.

The birthday party was a success. I didn't have to babysit any of the adults, and the kids didn't tip over the Christmas tree (while I was in the room). We ate pizza, homemade cake, and drank a lot of beer'n'wine. Good stuff. Then parents came at the assigned hour, all kinds of chocolate was secreted away (by me), and at 8:15 Madeleine was told that she had to go to bed immediately. She was suitably, insanely angry, and when she went to her room in an fiery storm of newly-5-year-old fury, there in their new glass cage, on her dresser, Digger and Squirmy sat up on their haunches and shat in her general direction. She was delighted and in love. Pictures will come, but how do you eliminate red-eye in red-eyed rodents?

I'm going to be busy this weekend. We've got some stuff going on... uhh... now what was it I was supposed to do on Monday?? Oh yeah! Detonate a small forest of gaily decorated fairy trees in our living room! I had big plans for wrapping all my gifts in pretty cloth, to recycle for each holiday, but I realized before making that fatal mistake that I don't want my kids to start mocking me this early in their lives. The whole wrapped-in-cloth thing is something my mom would do, in addition to including recycled gifts from a long-lost box of keepsakes from 1978, and she's cornered the market on Loony Tunes gifts. Wouldn't want to step on any toes or anything... (Mom - Pooey loves the Chinese wooden wisk you bought at Uwajimaya in 1988, by the way - no joke!).

Here are a few links Madeleine and I were enjoying this evening. Or, more likely, I was enjoying and she was daydreaming about The Shitters.

- I miss these days. Drugs: fun for adults and kids!

- More from the groovy channel.

- Pretty. I wonder if it comes with tiny people that hold out the skirt like that.

- I used to sing this song under my breath to my high school gym teacher. His last name was Carpenter and he was cheating on his wife, the cheerleader coach, with a senior on the dance team. I was terribly clever, no?

- The ugliest things I've seen all day. Really, are you even kidding me?

- And, finally, to get them all out of my system: The Martians. Yep.

Have a great, long, happy, fattening, guilt-free weekend!

What? My favorite Christmas song? Okay... White Christmas, The Drifters.


Blogger SUEB0B said...

Thanks for the first good laughs of the day. Shitter 1 and Shitter 2. LOL

And the Electric Company? Wow. Groovy! I think I will Linkateria it.

12/23/2006 8:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ditto on what Suebob said about the gerbil names. Coffee shot right out of my nostrils.

Have a good one. Yay for fattening food and spiked punch.

12/23/2006 11:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like Madeleine's birthday was a big success!

Have a wonderful weekend!

12/24/2006 6:22 AM  
Anonymous honestyrain said...

1. the counting nobody is freakin' creepy
2. i didn't care for the electric company. i kept thinking i'd end up getting a bill for watching.
3. yes, you were terribly clever. so so clever.
4. if little people come with the dress i do not want it because i am so not about having an entourage.
5. those shoes? are absolutely the most criminal thing i've seen all day.
6. and the martians? THE MARTIANS??? thank you for the martians. i will be making my children watch the martians hour after hour so as they might be exposed to quality television, finally.

12/24/2006 8:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think your names are the best. Shitter 1 and 2 - very good.

Merry Merriness to you and yours!


12/24/2006 5:11 PM  
Blogger V-Grrrl said...

Rodents are marvels of natural engineering. They manage to eat a little and poop a lot. They violate the laws of thermodynamics, and they do it with little knowing smirks on their faces.

Merry Christmas

12/25/2006 6:51 AM  
Anonymous LetterB said...

My dad called our gerbils Stiffy and Bloaty. He also called my mom's quarter horse Alpo. Funnay guy my dad. Also, on this theme, my nephew's gerbil died this christmas eve. He needed much fudge for consolation.

Merry Christmas!!!

12/26/2006 2:38 PM  
Anonymous DD said...

Conservation of mockable parents...

We wrapped our gifts in dishtowels, a fleece blanket and an entryway rug - all from IKEA.

They are reusable... and actually cost less per area than wrapping paper. (How does IKEA do that?)

There were still paper wrapped gifts though...

Merry Christmas to all (even the gerbils).

Happy New Year!!!

12/27/2006 1:42 AM  
Blogger Esereth said...

Wrapping in cloth is way, way more cool than recycled gifts or Looney Toones anything (especially checks...looney toon checks are just awful). Rock tried to get me to make assorted festive cloth bags for Christmas. But I can't figure out how to sew in the draw string right.

Another awesome story, by the way.

12/27/2006 8:10 PM  

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