Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I looked it up - it's called Sarlacc

I'm going to Boston on Friday and will get back Monday. I made a last minute decision to ditch it all and fly over to see my friend Janet and her fuzzy little baby and now I'm pissing my pants with excitement. (I should be doing Kegels instead of pissing my pants, but they make me feel dirty. Really, why?) I can't decide whether to rent some existentialist Hungarian movies that Jim would never watch (with good reason, I find existentialist theory only good in Greeting Card format) for the plane ride or to read something. I'm getting a little bored with my fiction lately and definitely need a break from my own brain. Perhaps I should visit someone else's thoughts for a while.

I'm not much of a planner, but I while I'm back there I thought we might get down to a soccer team reunion on Saturday. I've never been to a single reunion that wasn't planned by my mother, and the idea is a little frightening. I'm pretty sure we're all carrying a little extra baggage around the belly, but I'm worried nonetheless. What if they ask me to do that hilarious thing I used to do that I can no longer do? (There isn't actually a "thing," but still, they might think so, then I'd be stuck trying to come up with some kind of talent involving a handful of Ruffles and a hair elastic. Wait! I can do that!)

Reunions. I skipped my 10th high school reunion, my 10th college reunion, a second annual with an accountant (which isn't as much of a reunion as a really tortuous exercise in sleep deprivation). But then recently I got walloped with a disgusting bout of nostalgia, and all the truly annoying and bizarre behaviors of my former teammates seem sweet and well-intentioned. Remember how that chick used to do keg stands then try to beat holes in the walls with her forehead? How clever! Remember that other girl whose boobs would sweat two perfectly round shapes on the front of her t-shirt? Adorable! Remember how we all had body image issues and eating disorders were more common than blisters? Wonderful!

Nostalgia reminds me of that toothy-sandy vagina that Jaba the Hut watched people thrown into while he slapped Carrie Fisher's ass. The big sandy pit with sharp teeth and a pretty pink throat. Or a slippery slope. Pick your analogy, it's not a good thing. I'm typically a realist when it comes to memories, but for some reason, I'm having a hard time processing a lot of the crap I was dealing with in college in a realistic fashion. When I first heard about the reunion I admit to being excited and surprised. Surprised for being excited, because I would typically snort and make some derisive comment about that spazzy Super Frosh that wore a bow in her hair for her first game. And I worried that my excitement meant that I was getting soft. That or suppressing the bad stuff. But it's been two weeks now, and I'm still excited, and because I feel less sarcastic and critical today, I'm going to say perhaps I'm just over it? It wasn't all that bad, I'm a good person today, and maybe, MAYBE, some of those people are interesting and not at all drunk, sweaty or bedecked in bows. Or maybe I just want to see if anyone is gay.


Blogger meno said...

I was reading the part about kegel exercises when i saw the picture of the saber toothed vagina. Imagine the connection i made in my head.
Have a great time young lady.

10/18/2006 12:45 PM  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

Kegel's make me feel dirty too. But I like doing them on the toilet to see if, after two kids, I can still stop the flow mid-stream.

I can.

10/18/2006 2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you kidding me? Kegels are the ultimate in mastering your inner Miss Piggy. He does it right or you break him, plain and simple. I also enjoy doing them at the bank or waiting in any line because I know there are people who would be horrified by that. Yet, it makes me stronger.

Really glad you're going on an adventure. Enjoy.

10/18/2006 4:04 PM  
Blogger Jaye Wells said...

I've always been intrigued by the idea of vagina dentata, which is what that picture reminds me of.

10/18/2006 8:33 PM  
Anonymous DD said...

You should go, and see, and reconnect. I have also waxed increasingly nostalgic - and I think with good reason. When I think back of the opportunities and the options of an open future how can I help but feel nostalgic. Now I feel trapped, constrained, and channeled by debts, career, education path and - also by parental responsibility.

How does life slip from "finding your groove" to "being trapped in a rut"? I missed my 20th high-school reunion, but if we're back in the states for the 25th (or maybe even if we're not) I'm going.

The process of finding my groove was awesome, even if it was sometimes painful. I hope I can do it again some time in this life.

But I do have to go to the reunion… I'm one of the ones who turned out to be gay!

10/18/2006 11:12 PM  
Anonymous kathie said...

I'm not a fan of reunions...but I might go to mine this summer. I think if I was skinnier I wouldn't mind going...hehehe...yes, I was that obsessive runner who ate Doritos and then ran five miles to counteract it, then ate some more, then, shit! had to run some more. If I only had that kind of time these days. How's a writer, working part time, with two kids supposed to keep up her exercise obsession?

10/19/2006 5:06 AM  
Blogger Arabella said...

I wish I could see what's happening at one of my high school reunions without actually having to be there or talk to anybody. Does that make any sense?

10/19/2006 6:55 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

I hope you have a blast in Boston. Such a great city.

I know what you mean about the Kegels. I always forget to do them, so thanks for reminding me; I'm doing them now, so we can both feel dirty.

Perhaps we should both invest in a Stadium Pal.

10/19/2006 11:32 AM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

"Toothy-sandy vagina." Has anyone anywhere ever typed those words together as such?

I've been nostalgic lately,too. I went through all of my college photo albums the other night and wanted to have a little reunion.

10/19/2006 1:05 PM  
Blogger Tink said...

That is one scary pussy, dude. I think the image will be burned into my retinas forever. I'm also curious what kind of search hits you're going to get now.

My plan, for the day I actually attend a reunion, is to go and figure out who ISN'T there. Then I'm going to pretend to be them.

10/20/2006 12:50 PM  
Anonymous LetterB said...

Looks like sarlacc has been doing her kegels.

I am with Arabella, I want to attend my 20th high-school reunion invisibly. Do you think that they will invent a personal cloaking device in, uh, [x number] years?

Rent "Stranger Than Paradise" if you have not seen it yet. Not technically Hungarian existentialist but close enough.

10/20/2006 5:09 PM  
Blogger Orange said...

No interest in my high-school reunions, but I always sorta wanted to attend one of my college reunions. The the 20th is less than two years in the offing. My kid still can't get it through his head that no, he wasn't at college with Mommy and Daddy (though I do dream we're there as a family sometimes...), so it'd be cool for him to go, too.

I suspect Kegels are good for rerouting blood flow to the groin...which can be a fine, fine thing indeed. But maybe not when waiting in line. I really never do 'em for exercise...just to reroute the blood flow. Maybe that's just me?

10/20/2006 8:27 PM  
Blogger Ortizzle said...

Yes, Arabella hit the nail on the head. The trick is to be a fly on the wall and watch from a distance. I never did wax nostalgic about high school reunions (I was living overseas for so many years, I couldn't go anyway.) But the awful truth is, there weren't more than a handful of people, if that, I would ever really want to see again. Except maybe in a voyeuristic fashion, which brings me back to Arabella's comment. Did you ever see the flick "Romy & Michele's High School Reunion"? I know it's trite, but that kind of sums it up for me. That movie and "Muriel's Wedding" which I consider a classic.

10/21/2006 8:53 AM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I want pictures of the boob sweater. That made me laugh my head off for some perverted reason. All the while I was doing my Kegels!

Okay, now I see I am appearing twice on your blogroll. I am listed in the slackers still AND as Debbie Does It. Whatever Mignon!

10/22/2006 4:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...have reached the end, but can't stop laughing about the Kegels!

10/23/2006 10:53 AM  
Anonymous Liliana said...

Arabella just invented "reunion cam"! You know they have a webcam at those Las Vegas weddings, and anyone can peek in on them...what about a reunion cam?

Damn that Tink kills me every where I see her.

Kegels. I am picturing the row of SUV's at the bus stop, with all of us tucked away inside, secretly doing kegels so we dont sneeze and pee. Looking knowingly, in productive anticipation for the damn sporadic bus.

10/24/2006 7:16 AM  

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