Friday, December 28, 2007

Year-end post gone horribly wrong.

First, I don't know why it says I'm from Montana, Afghanistan over there to the right. I didn't do that. If Montana was in Afghanistan it would be much more difficult to get drunk on Christmas with Granny and Grampy. Or have Christmas. Or have Granny and Grampy. They bounced up our street in their Jeep on Christmas Eve Eve and we've been enjoying them daily, much like I enjoy Sees chocolate suckers and magazines in my Christmas stocking. Aren't Jeeps bouncy? Are they bouncy in Afghanistan? I think not! But I'm not sure. Let's just say no. Jeeps are not bouncy in Afghanistan. And toilets probably don't swirl in the opposite direction (a la Australia), but just shoot straight down the whole so you don't get to admire the fruits of your labor at all. Like in airport bathrooms. All the bathrooms in Afghanistan are probably like airport bathrooms, complete with really annoying automatic appliances where the water isn't hot enough and the dryers don't dry your hands so your forced to wipe them on your pants. Or robes. I guess in Afghanistan you'd wipe them on your robes. Jeeps don't bounce and your robes are always wet.

Madeleine's birthday was on the 21st at a bowling alley. It was great until The Toothless Invasion of '07 happened at about 7:00. The Invasion brought their own Santa and our urchins were strongly discouraged from fraternizing with him. That's right. We were asked to keep our kids away from Santa. So we pulled out the hole card: "Don't worry you guys. That's not the real Santa. That lady has been naughty and The Real Santa won't come to her house." Oh yeah.

Here's the birthday present in action:

Also, for Stella, here are my spaz and mellow mixes of '07.
Father, Son - Peter Gabriel
Messages - Xavier Rudd
After the Gold Rush - Neil Young
Throw Me a Rope - KT Tunstall
Harvest Moon - Neil Young
Teach Your Children - CSNY
If You Could Read My Mind - Johnny Cash
Superman's Song - Crash Test Dummies
Trouble - Ray LaMontagne
Cheapest Kind - Greg Brown
Danny's Song - Loggins & Messina
Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Brother Is
Chaiyya Chaiyya - Sukhwinder Singh
My Morning Scene - Jonah Smith
Save Me - Aimee Mann

Rehab - Amy Winehouse
Short Skirt/Long Jacket - Cake
Change - Blind Melon
Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well - Mike Doughty
Gold Digger - Kanye
Bohemian Like You - The Dandy Warhols
Can I Get A... - Jay Z
End of the Line - Traveling Wilburys
San Franciscan Nights - The Animals
Angel From Montgomery - Bonnie Raitt and John Prine
Irreplaceable - Beyonce
Going Up the Country - Canned Heat
Gin and Juice - The Gourds
Crank That - Soulja Boy

Did you eat a lot of nuts over the holidays? I did. I can say, definitively, that I would enjoy Macadamia nuts much more if they were half their size. Brazil nuts suck and walnuts are like pecans on steroids. All bloated and agro and shit. Pecans are Lance Armstrong and walnuts are Floyd Landis. Allegedly. Hey, Happy Holidays!


Blogger Orange said...

You're still drunk, aren't you? This sounds like drunk posting.

I will go on record as saying I love pecans and I love cashews. I like almonds. Peanuts are all right. Walnuts, hazelnuts, macadamias—they're OK if you hide a couple of 'em in cookies or brownies, but I won't eat them out of hand. Brazil nuts are like rocks made of oil.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, bouncy Mignon!

12/28/2007 4:22 PM  
Blogger Ortizzle said...

Madeleine is... superb. Especially for knowing the meaning of "narrating."

Nuts: The main thing about them is that they are extremely fattening and also extremely irresistible, even when they are the kind of nuts that you don't particularly like. If they are sitting in a bowl on the table, you eat them. Even if you are bloated from a ten course meal. Because they are there. That's just a universal truth about nuts.

Hope your Christmas was good. (I need to know more about that cryptic Santa. I don't catch on too quickly.)

12/30/2007 1:12 PM  
Anonymous stella said...

oh i love that you have jay z on here. and I LOVE THE DANDY WARHOLS.

we so could be bffs if we lived nearer.

seriously. we are so in montana come this summer.

house will go on the market end of january, we hope. now if it will ever sell is a whole other thing.

ummm, how about i email you my address and you burn me a disc??

just because youre feeling charitable and happy that our house wasn't robbed the other night. umkay?

12/30/2007 5:00 PM  
Anonymous stella said...

and hows come you know so much about afghanistan yo?

12/30/2007 5:01 PM  
Blogger V-Grrrl said...

Jeeps don't bounce in Afghanistan, they explode.

And toilets don't flush because they're nothing but a sandy hole in a barren landscape.

So you don't get to wash your hands after using them.

So your jeans stay dry. And that's the very good news from the Afghan front: everyone has dry jeans.

At least everyone who's not wearing a burka...And that's the bad news from the Afghan front. The Grrrls don't get to button up a pair of Levis and Feel the Power of denim.

Happy New Year!

I received a book for Christmas written by a Montana author about her experiences growing up on a ranch and escaping being a farm wife in order to write. Called "Breaking Clean" by Judy Blunt. A memoir. Winner of many awards. Have you read it?

12/31/2007 7:33 AM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Hey! I like Brazil nuts!! Happy New Year, Mignon from Afghanistan!

1/01/2008 5:32 PM  
Anonymous anastasia beaverhausen said...

1) Yes...many, many cashews and spiced pecans.
2) I love your taste in music. Harvest Moon is one of Neil's alltime best. Saw him in Dallas when he was with the International Harvesters. He was about twelve feet away from me. Also...Aimee Mann still rocks.
3) The wall idea is fantastic. Inspired and creative. Wish I'd thought of it when our kids were younger.

1/02/2008 7:33 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

You know, I've been wracking my brain trying to think of a clever comment in response to all of the goodness and semi-useless but fascinating facts in your post, but I've got nada to compare to your cleverness. Zip. My brain has obviously left the building.

But I love your mixes. Headed to iTunes now.

1/03/2008 9:23 AM  
Blogger Mamalujo said...

Jeez, you sound so....GIRLY! How ya been?

1/03/2008 12:50 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

mmmm. Lance Armstrongs are gooood.

esp. on homemade english toffee. realz.

1/03/2008 3:26 PM  
Blogger Tink said...

You should have beat that imposter up! Stupid toothless people and their fake Santas.

1/04/2008 2:24 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

Awesome mixes. We just bought tix for both Langerado (sans Myles one night only) and Bonnaroo (with Myles in an RV) so we'll be seeing Xavier, Kanye and Aimee Mann in the next few months. So freaking excited.

Also, I LOVE the CTD Superman song. In fact, I was just singing it to Jeff the other day for some random reason.

2/21/2008 5:26 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

And Brazil nuts are way too oily and mealy, but cashews and pistachios are just right.

2/21/2008 5:27 PM  
Blogger petrenkov said...

Rather interesting site you've got here. Thank you for it. I like such themes and anything connected to this matter. I definitely want to read a bit more on that blog soon.

Best wishes
Jeph Normic

2/09/2010 2:45 AM  

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