Year-end post gone horribly wrong.

First, I don't know why it says I'm from Montana, Afghanistan over there to the right. I didn't do that. If Montana was in Afghanistan it would be much more difficult to get drunk on Christmas with Granny and Grampy. Or have Christmas. Or have Granny and Grampy. They bounced up our street in their Jeep on Christmas Eve Eve and we've been enjoying them daily, much like I enjoy Sees chocolate suckers and magazines in my Christmas stocking. Aren't Jeeps bouncy? Are they bouncy in Afghanistan? I think not! But I'm not sure. Let's just say no. Jeeps are not bouncy in Afghanistan. And toilets probably don't swirl in the opposite direction (a la Australia), but just shoot straight down the whole so you don't get to admire the fruits of your labor at all. Like in airport bathrooms. All the bathrooms in Afghanistan are probably like airport bathrooms, complete with really annoying automatic appliances where the water isn't hot enough and the dryers don't dry your hands so your forced to wipe them on your pants. Or robes. I guess in Afghanistan you'd wipe them on your robes. Jeeps don't bounce and your robes are always wet.

Madeleine's birthday was on the 21st at a bowling alley. It was great until The Toothless Invasion of '07 happened at about 7:00. The Invasion brought their own Santa and our urchins were strongly discouraged from fraternizing with him. That's right. We were asked to keep our kids away from Santa. So we pulled out the hole card: "Don't worry you guys. That's not the real Santa. That lady has been naughty and The Real Santa won't come to her house." Oh yeah.

Here's the birthday present in action:


Also, for Stella, here are my spaz and mellow mixes of '07.
Mellow:
Father, Son - Peter Gabriel
Messages - Xavier Rudd
After the Gold Rush - Neil Young
Throw Me a Rope - KT Tunstall
Harvest Moon - Neil Young
Teach Your Children - CSNY
If You Could Read My Mind - Johnny Cash
Superman's Song - Crash Test Dummies
Trouble - Ray LaMontagne
Cheapest Kind - Greg Brown
Danny's Song - Loggins & Messina
Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Brother Is
Chaiyya Chaiyya - Sukhwinder Singh
My Morning Scene - Jonah Smith
Save Me - Aimee Mann

Spaz
Rehab - Amy Winehouse
Short Skirt/Long Jacket - Cake
Change - Blind Melon
Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well - Mike Doughty
Gold Digger - Kanye
Bohemian Like You - The Dandy Warhols
Can I Get A... - Jay Z
End of the Line - Traveling Wilburys
San Franciscan Nights - The Animals
Angel From Montgomery - Bonnie Raitt and John Prine
Irreplaceable - Beyonce
Going Up the Country - Canned Heat
Gin and Juice - The Gourds
Crank That - Soulja Boy

Did you eat a lot of nuts over the holidays? I did. I can say, definitively, that I would enjoy Macadamia nuts much more if they were half their size. Brazil nuts suck and walnuts are like pecans on steroids. All bloated and agro and shit. Pecans are Lance Armstrong and walnuts are Floyd Landis. Allegedly. Hey, Happy Holidays!