Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Independence Day on a cul-de-sac is loud and smells acrid. But I love fire.

*huge heavy sigh and rubbing eyes*

We're back. The relatives are all gone, our trip to Winthrop is over and two viruses (viri?) have passed. Maybe I'll fill in the blanks later. Or not. Really, how much fun is it to read about someone else's 4th of July vacation with sick kids and an 8 hour car ride? Aw hell, here are a couple morsels for rumination:

- The mosquitoes were like paparazzi. That's what I told myself as I was being swarmed. You know how Madonna always wears the same clothes when she goes out so the pictures are useless? That was my inspiration.
- It's so much better to be the driver on the way back because the kids take turns screaming and the Other Adult has to constantly turn around to fish binkies out of the crevices between the door and the seats and change the dvd and refill juices and do any number of things that cause motion sickness all the while trying to keep the seatbelt thingy from violating his/her private parts.
- Showers for kids are overrated. Every time I washed mine I pictured dollar bills floating down the drain in the shape of mosquito spray and sunscreen oil-slicks. Why wash off that protective layer? Just for the sake of keeping a crappy $5 Spiderman sleeping bag a tad cleaner? Not worth it. Only after Madeleine washed did she get the constellation of skeeter bites on her back. Or it could be that I quit bothering with shirts after the 3rd day.
- It is completely okay to drink before lunch when you're in another time zone. It helps with the jet lag!
- My house hasn't sold even though 10 people have been through it and there were 16 lookers at the open house. Mark says it's because there's no 8 in the asking price. I think it's because the doors are hollow.
- I saw this church in Utne Reader, entirely constructed from bamboo (the article is interesting, if you're curious). I can't find a picture online, unfortunately, because it was gorgeous. Here, look at this building instead, and tell me if you can find the church picture somewhere...
- I'm so sick of Fig Newtons.

Can you give a me a one-line description of your 4th of Joo-lye? Start it like this If I'd had just one more mojito, I would have...


Anonymous JMo said...

I'f I'd had just one more mojito I probably would have been in the emergency room getting my stomach pumped.

7/05/2006 1:20 PM  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

You're bang-on. Mosquitos are like paparazzi.

7/05/2006 1:49 PM  
Blogger Arabella said...

If I'd had just one more mojito, I would have been out cold for a full hour, instead of the mere thirty minutes.

Ty made the best pulled pork I have ever tasted. Awesome, awesome weekend.

7/05/2006 2:04 PM  
Anonymous kathie said...

Just think of the awesome memories you're building with your children...just another 15 years or so before they're on the shrink's couch decrying mom's inability to properly use insect repellent...

7/05/2006 2:50 PM  
Blogger Mitch said...

If I'd had just one more mojito, I would have said to hell with the horses, stripped naked, and showered off all the horse shit under the driving rain before riding off bareback into the woods where no one would EVER be able to find me!!!

Word verification: fcinfxrcb - fuckin' fix her CB!

7/05/2006 2:53 PM  
Blogger Mitch said...

P.S. Welcome back! I've missed you on my blog rounds.

7/05/2006 2:54 PM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

Hey, I read that same article in Utne Reader!

Oh, and my 4th of Joo-lye? Remarkably similar to yours. Paparazzi skitos and 18 hours in the car. But, if I'd had just one more mojito, I would have definitely gotten that sex change operation. Don't tell my husband.

7/05/2006 6:00 PM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I was drinking Sangria so I have to start my sentence with that....I didn't know that Madonna wore the same clothes to screw up the paparazzi!! Damn, learned something new!

This is embarassing...since my kids swim every day in the pool we sometimes forget about ahem, showering properly. The other day the youngest announces, "I haven't had a shower since I got out of school." That hurt.

7/05/2006 6:52 PM  
Anonymous LetterB said...

If I had had one more mojito I would have slayed all those pesky mosquitoes with my tiny, pretend light saber. And I despise showering. Truly. It is for philistines.

7/05/2006 9:55 PM  
Blogger Louise said...

If I'd had just one more mojito (and then one more again), I would have been tempted to celebrate 4th of July, even though I'm Australian

7/06/2006 2:21 AM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

If I had one more Belgian beer, I would have cried in it because Target is my boyfriend and I haven't seen him in more than a year.

Word verification: jyerk, as in, "That's the jyerk who dates the beeyatch!"

7/06/2006 5:11 AM  
Anonymous DD said...

Îf I'd had just one more mojito I would have still been way behind both the joyous Italians and depressed Germans after the football game.

7/06/2006 8:41 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

First, I LOVE that top picture. LOVE IT.

Second, if I'd just had one more mojito, I would have run out in the middle of that gridlocked group of cars and started directing people out after the fireworks ('cause it was chaos, CHAOS!)

7/06/2006 4:06 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

I forgot it was the 4th. I got my kicks on the 1st. It was actually the best 4th I've had in ages...

7/07/2006 10:20 AM  
Blogger Esereth said...

I just love your life. Seriously. I read you and my anxiety "oh god what have I done my life is over" levels go down so very much. If only Rock and I could cultivate your tolerance for leaving the house.

7/07/2006 1:34 PM  
Blogger Feral Mom said...

Oh, mojitos! That's so...civilized. If I'd had one more Schlitz, it still wouldn't have been enough. We did, however, continue my family (of origin)'s 4th of July tradition of hiding in the bushes to watch the Country Club fireworks. Gotta start the class struggle young.

7/08/2006 12:04 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

If I'd had just one more mojito, I would have...

returned to the kitchen, where I'd just been referred to as a bitch by my best friend's alcoholic partner, and smacked the simper off of his drunk face, instead of continuing quietly on my route out of the house and into my car, where I cried before driving home.

p.s. sounds like your fourth of ja-hooly was swell. I mean, there were mojitos, so it couldn't have been too very bad.

wishing you luck with the house-selling bullshite. :p

7/08/2006 2:59 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

p.s. I didn't cry b/c I was feeling sorry for myself. I cried b/c I was worked up about the revelation regarding my friend's partner being SUCH a stinking drunk.

had to clarify. I don't give a shit if someone calls me a bitch if they're drunk, unless they're someone I care about, and they would never refer to me as that under normal circumstances.

I'm not a *total* pussy.

7/08/2006 3:01 PM  
Anonymous kathie said... time---need I say more?

7/09/2006 6:11 AM  
Blogger Orange said...

If it weren't for my horse, I never would have made it through college.

If I'd had just one more mojito, I surely would have been tits out and whooping it up.

7/11/2006 9:21 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

If I would have seen one more redneck, I would have run screaming back to the other side of the Mason Dixon line.

I had no idea this part of Florida was so rednecky, or maybe it was just the fourth of July which brought them all out?

I have a HUGE bamboo forest in my backyard. Each stalk is bigger around than my arm. Maybe we'll build a church.

Don't worry, I know your house will sell. We had more than 20 showings before we got an offer, but I can only imagine how much harder it is to have a house on the market with two kids. Hang in there.

I missed you!

7/12/2006 8:17 AM  

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