I've got good news, so why am I reading about dead people?

I'm still in a little funk/euphoric daze from last weekend's trip, so I'm not sure if this happened or not, but I think we bought a house. Yes, I'm pretty sure, but, well, you know, there's something dreamlike about it... It's this one:


Can you see why I'm hesitant to confirm? Because it's straight up dreamy! Here's how it went down: I looked at this house a couple weeks ago during an open house. I was on my own and ran through it, almost covering my eyes because of the glaring awesomeness. I came home, sobbing at the injustice that we wouldn't be able to afford this beauty. I felt like Tom Green when Drew Barrymore walked out. Jim and I didn't even discuss it, beyond a few luscious details and we continued looking at our affordable sucky meth labs situated along freeways. (Oh look, honey, there's no dry rot in this one, at least! Hey Mommy, the cat pee smell isn't quite as strong in this one!) So Monday, after another quick walk-though of a moldy 1-bedroom hut carpeted in Astro-turf, our realtor asked us if we'd like to look through a house a little out of our range, for comparison purposes. We shrugged and said sure, shaking the bat dung out of our hair from the last place. Jim said he'd have to call his brother and his wife because he was supposed to meet with them at the time. I suggested they come and take a look at the house, because they like home shopping as much as I do, so we all converged upon Her. I'm calling it Her because the Venus de Milo was a woman and also perfect. I shuddered a home-hunters orgasm when we pulled up front, but also felt the sinking, starving feeling of a panhandler without a clever signboard.

I'm getting a little bored with this drawn out explanation, so here's the gist: we looked through Her, in-laws gushed and said we should step up and do it, I said HA HA - huh? that doesn't make sense because we can't afford this and it would be like stepping up into quicksand, Jim went back to work with his brother (who is also his employer), Jim called me 5 minutes later and says his brother gave him a raise for the amount we needed to be able to afford the house. Thirty minutes later we're signing the offer and one day later it's under contract. To us. To US!

And today, after I post this, I'll be running around this hell-hole (remember? Jim was home with the kids for nearly four days? the garbage disposal hasn't been run in a week and something reached out of it and stole my toast this morning), trying to prepare to put it up for sale on Monday. I have absolutely no right to say anything negative about my current situation (look again up at that picture - I know, right?), but WAAAAAAAA. There's so much to do that I spent this morning reading the obituaries to cheer myself up. Do you want to poke a sharp stick in my eye? I do. Then maybe I wouldn't have to box up the standing army of ugly vases that have collected above our cabinets...