Monday, June 19, 2006

Weekend recap, degenerating into a pity party.

You know how you meet someone, be it male, female, feline, wax, whatever, and you have an instant connection? (I'm sorry if this comes out a little discombobulated - Madeleine is telling me the trevails of her friends Frankie and Dylan. Dylan is a brown bunny, not to be confused with a rabbit, which stands on four feet instead of two, and Madeleine's best friend, while Frankie is Dylan's human brother. They're always fighting and right now they're pouring cereal on each other and spitting - I think?) Okay, so whuuuuuuhhhhht - oh! Instant connections. So mine is Emily. She's the spouse of one of Jim's employees (also a very nice human and smart and funny). She has a two-month-old ball of fury/baby and she and I have only really seen each other twice at work-type functions, but easily and readily hit it off both times. Once even without alcohol! She was in town this weekend for Fathers' Day and called to see if I wanted to go out for dinner and drinks with her and her sister. Yes....

At my suggestions, we were going to browse the Taste of Missoula (you know what this is right - I think every town has one), but as is my M.O., I screwed up the time/place/planning step and all the bbq and gigantic vegan burrito stands were all gone by the time we got there. So we strolled up the street to The Old Post, my favorite restaurant-slash-bar. No Smoking! I love this Draconian rule, that which bans smoking in public places. Keeps out the riff-raff, like me at the age of 23, and I smell like fresh deep-fat-fried things when I leave, instead of that lady from Night Court that was friends with Bull. (I used to have a little crush on John Larroquette - I think it was his voice and the fact that he was a perfect foil for that dweeby judge who did bad magic tricks.) Plus they have an old, pretty bar, awesome food and beer.

So we get there early, like moms who have left their babies at home always do, and we get a booth. Emily and I on one side, her sister Mary on the other. (Mary is beautiful like Zooey Deschanel and smart and clever. I had a little crush on her, which, take note, is kind of foreshadowing...) Soon the waitress comes, bearing two cups of water. She was walking toward us, down the aisle, facing Emily and me. She put the water on the table, glanced at Mary, and said, "Oh! There are three of you - I'll go get another water."

Do you see what happened there? She was walking toward Emily and me, sitting in the booth together, thinking we were alone. On a date? Why else would two people sit together on one side of a booth? So, Emily being cute and flowery and fresh-faced clearly wasn't the issue. It was me. I was the dyke. I laughed. Hahahaha! We all laughed! Isn't that hilarious how she thought we were on a date?! Hahahahaha! Then Mary told a story about how Shane in 4th grade had a crush on her and called her Mary-With-Two-Arms because there was another Mary in her class with only 1.5 arms, and all the girls-on-a-date stuff was forgotten. Until later, we were having a drink at Sean Kelleys and the subject of lesbian stereotypes came up. Apparently Mary thinks the requisite car is an Outback. My car. Hahahaha AGAIN! Because look at me in my lesbian car! But now, I mean right now, as I write this, I'm not laughing anymore because I'm not with those two cute fun people. I'm just here all by myself with my un-feminine-y-ness-ist-ication-ful. And I'm not feeling particularly pretty. Or pretty at all. Just, well, insert your favorite negative descriptive word here, and that's how I feel. (And by the way, aren't periods fun?)

So? Can I come up with any more ways to get down on me today? Well, hopefully I'll get to put on a bathing suit later - maybe that will amp up the self-flagellation. I can only hope.

Changing the subject (I know, you're welcome)....

Scratching an Itch in the Cup:


Blogger Tink said...

I think you're pretty!! And I don't mean that in an im-just-trying-to-be-a-good-friend-way either. For 9 years I had short hair. I mean short as in practically shaved. Dyke short. My friends called me "little boy." I had friend's girlfriends give me breast enlargement suggestions. Girls hit on me at clubs. But for every person who made me feel like less of a feme, there was a guy who thought I was hot shit. I'm sure your hubby thinks you're mighty fine. Don't let them get you down. Seriously.

6/19/2006 11:33 AM  
Blogger mamalujo1 said...

I think you're hott.

Not a young Lee Majors, btw. That's me in the depths of my geek phase, around 12 years old.

6/19/2006 11:49 AM  
Anonymous DD said...

It could be worse... you could be a straight guy being mistaken for gay.

Didn't know about the Subaru. They are very GLBT trendy, and gay friendly with lots of advertising and marketing in the GLBT community. For what it's worth we knew several gay men in PDX who drove Subarus (and some of them were none too butch).

Why can't a couple of women sit together or kiss eachother in public without an assumption of homosexuality? Oh yeah... it's the uptight USA, where everyone who doesn't repeatedly prove their heterosexuality is automatically suspect.

Even my American "gaydar" seems to be somehow tuned to this mentality. Here in Germany it seems practically useless.

6/19/2006 12:14 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

Let me say, as someone who has seen you recently in person, that you are a lovely female specimen! Your hair is amazing (and defies gravity in the best way), you have gorgeous eyes, clear skin, and straight teeth. You're cute as a button in what I think is a very particular Germanic sort of way.

I think where some people might get the wrong idea is in your very fit, athletic comportment. Some people see an athletic woman and automatically think (god help us), "Tennis player! PGA tour! Field hockey!" And go from there. Sad, but true.

Also, I have been mistaken for a man as recently as 2 weeks ago, so don't feel bad. It happened all the time when I was in my teens, too.

6/19/2006 12:47 PM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

It's not easy being a woman in comfortable shoes! : )

6/19/2006 1:19 PM  
Anonymous JMo said...

If it makes you feel any better - I had breakfast with two very different but equally beautiful women on Saturday. Couldn't imagine either one of them being into girls...

6/19/2006 1:34 PM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

I had hair like yours once. I hate the generalizations on both sides of the fence that put women into these stereotypes. One says that "girly" girls aren't very athletic. Or smart. Or threatening. Or strong. The other demands that all athletic women be dykes. Ballbreakers with short hair. And they know how to fix cars.

Why can't stereotypically pretty women change a tire? Why do all girls have to like the color pink? Why do we assume all men can do all things and women can only fall into one of two groups...both of which are idenitified by their stunning array of negative connotatations?

I've stayed in a hotel room with you and have eaten meals and gotten a little buzzed with you, too. I don't think you "look" like a lesbian because I personally don't think there IS a LOOK. I was once hit on by a very traditionally-feminine doctor who also happened to be a lesbian. She made me look like a guy in comparison. Likewise, athletic women with gorgeous spikey hair can be AND ARE straight.

And the car??? Who cares what anyone drives.

Cut yourself some slack on the bathing suit thing. You're still recovering from the whole baby thing. I, on the other hand, have no excuse. You look great.

6/19/2006 1:42 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

I think you are all veddy veddy nice, and I only realized after posting what a pitiful plea it was for compliments. I apologize for the unintended manipulation, but I am also truly thankful for your kind words.

I just bought Cointreau and now I'm making brownies. Just fyi.

6/19/2006 2:31 PM  
Blogger Arabella said...

My first thought upon reading this was, "How can such a lovely woman be so down on her own looks?" I remember, distinctly, thinking how pretty you looked when we all got dressed to go out to that dinner on Saturday night, and how sparkly your eyes were and what a nice smile you had. I think you were wearing shiny coffee-colored lipstick. If you weren't, it looked like you were from where I was standing, and it looked really nice. I remember thinking how good you looked in earthy colors, like mocha and copper and stuff.

My second thought was that maybe you're jumping to conclusions just a little bit? The waitress might just have thought that you were sitting together.

Plus, you and Teebs must be straight, because you're both so adorable that sharing a bed with either one of you would surely be tempting to one who was so inclined.

And, if it makes you feel any better, I spent the morning sewing bra pads into my new bathing suit. There, I said it.

6/19/2006 3:44 PM  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

I used to have a crush on John Laroquette too. Dan Fielding, baby...he was THE MAN.

So listen. I cannot tell you how many times I've been mistaken for a bulldyke. I went through a period in highschool where I thought I was gay -- I got me a girl and some combat boots, shaved my head and listened exclusively to Ani DiFranco. I run into people I used to go to highschool with and they're like, "Are you still gay?"

You are gorgeous. I've seen pictures, I know.

6/19/2006 4:15 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Arabella, you are wonderful. (Yes, it was shiny coffee-colored lip-gloss! And it was yummy too.)

Yes, we probably were jumping to conclusions, but when you're feeling a little low, it feels like the world is giving you an unsatisfied once-over.

Can you swim with bra pads, or do they get all soaked and saggy. At first somehow I pictured you sewing in maxi-pads. Pretty!

6/19/2006 4:16 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Thanks MamaT, I'm really sorry in retrospect that this all stemmed from me potentially being mistaken for gay. As if gay women aren't attractive. As if. Stupid stereotypes. Stupid me perpetuating stereotypes. Why isn't anyone beating me up about this?

6/19/2006 4:18 PM  
Anonymous tif said...

arabella, you're clever to sew. What must be my college roommate's most embarrassing moment came when her swimsuit foam pads floated to the surface of the pool after jumping in on her very first day of swim class. It was never mentioned, but all the girls suffered for and with her.

And Mignon, oh to have a smile like yours. mmmm Anyone fortunate enough to be greeted with your straight pearlies always has a better day. In fact, your smile may be your best weapon. If you ever need one.

6/19/2006 4:55 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Arabella is so sweet. Her comment about you and Teebs just made me tear up.

Not that the rest of the commenters weren't amazingly nice as well. As they should be, because you are one hot mama. Totally and completely.

But I can't agree with you and Mama T on John laroquette. He creeped me out in the biggest way. ;-)

6/19/2006 5:53 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Mignon, I think that the Blog fairies have us all OTR this past week and it is none too kind. I myself yelled at my mirror "WHY ARE YOU SO PUFFY!" and just mokced my own shoulders and referred to myself as a Hippo in the lake.

It's hot, we're hormonal.This too shall pass.

At least you were mistaken for a republican. That would really piss me off.

6/19/2006 6:02 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

NOT- were not mistaken. Christ on a cracker.

6/19/2006 6:03 PM  
Anonymous LetterB said...

Oh man, I thought there was going to be some drunken girl kissing due to your foreshadowing remark. Oh, wait, that's what I do when I get drunk (though not because I'm a lesbian but because I am a slut*). Mignon, I echo the sentiments that you are super-cute. Don't ever drink tequila with me unless you're ready to put that subaru market research to the test. ;)

*shamelessly stolen from Margaret Cho

6/19/2006 6:31 PM  
Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

I drive an Outback, perhaps you have laid out the path for the rest of my life....

The pic...ha, ha, snort.

6/19/2006 8:24 PM  
Anonymous Prairie Dawn said...

I went to high school with you for a while, remember? I know for a fact that you had far and away the prettiest face and best hair in the whole school. You looked like Natalie Portman then and you still do. You get it from your Mom, she's a stunner too. You're hot.
PD x

6/19/2006 9:33 PM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Good gracious! I have a crush on you and I have never even met you! You are hilarious! And cute! To both men and women!! Is that a crime??

I went to see "Brokeback Mountain" with two other women and most of the people there know. I realized that everyone assumed we were too! Ha! I don't care!!!

Did you notice that after two glasses of wine I use way more exclamation points than necessary???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6/20/2006 5:02 PM  
Blogger Mitch said...

Mig, okay, so I haven't met you, so I can opinionate on your looks other than the pics you post here, in which you always seem to look great.

As far as your personality, I love it. You're funny and very smart and sassy and I'm always happy when you pop by my blog because I feel like maybe your poularity might rub off on me a bit.

I have my own confusion of sexuality story. Once, my evil friend came for a visit and insisted we go to this seedy sex shop I'd told her about on a few occasions.

As we stood by the dildo wall, the clerk came over to hit on us. When we didn't take him up on his numerous offers, he said, "So, are you girls lesbians?" Tammy immediately said no, I just stood there in shock with my jaw hanging open. Then the clerk said to Tammy, "You may not be, but I can tell your friend here is thinking about it."

Why did I have to be the lesbian? *grumbles*

Point is, I feel for ya.

6/20/2006 7:52 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

I know I'm late on this one but I want to say that you are one of the most beautiful women I know inside and out.
And I know you don't really care about conventional/traditional looks. Short hair rocks, you rock, end of story.
PS - you are also smart and funny and if we lived closer, we would be BFFs for realz.

6/22/2006 3:26 PM  
Anonymous stella said...

self-flaggelation. now theres a new one, i will certainly have to try out one day.

putting on a bathing suit never gets you anywhere...unless you are Gisele. And who the fuck looks like Gisele?

thank you for being such a good blog the way. you rock.

6/22/2006 6:02 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

every woman in Portland is a lesbian, in that case, because, hello, we *all* drive/have driven an Outback at some point. I have personally owned four, yes, FOUR, Boobaroos. also, I was informed that I had fooled the most popular girl in the sixth grade for the first three days that she attended our school into thinking I was a boy, because I rocked a full football helmet mullet, complete with jerry curls (a la boyfriend's hair in the movie Coming to America, coated with Soul Glo oil). also, I have a set of shoulders and arms that fool people into thinking I'm physically fit (ha Ha! such a goddamn lie). I've been hit on by many, many ladies of all stripes.

that is all to say, I get you. I go through lengthy bouts of feeling totally guy-like, and it bums me out. but that's the price I pay for refusing to wear makeup (I always end up rubbing it all over my face and in my eyes, which stings awfullly).


6/23/2006 10:33 AM  

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