Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Because dancing naked in your underwear is for Scientologists.

The kids are at pre-school summer camp today. Madeleine went with Quinn to introduce him to the staff and go over the syllabus. According to her. I believe it had something to do with it being Ride the Trolley Downtown to the Carousel Wednesday. So shit. I came home from tennis and the house was empty and so I ate all the leftover pancakes. Things to do when you're home alone: eat cold dank baked goods - check; sit on the toilet for a long ass time reading the comics - check; finish a cup of coffee while it's still warm - check; clean, pay bills, finish editing story, read intelligent websites about deforestation - hell to the no.

Now I'm sitting on the front porch watching the garbage guys and my 70-year-old lesbian neighbor talk about her pet pigeon. Which is why we don't live in the suburbs anymore. We've got a middle-aged couple living across the street who keep to themselves. Which is my way of saying they're virtually mute. I say hi, she says meep. I say How ya doin Tom, he says half smile, half shrug. It's all right. Not everyone runs off at the mouth like mi when confronted with new social situations. Jim and I had a discussion about how we would behave on Letterman (after watching Julia Roberts totally bomb and make Dave ask her stupid questions about her hair). Jim said he would answer in grunts and shrugs. Hm, that's so surprising. I would tell embarrassing, revealing stories in quick succession, so that during commercial breaks Dave would wander off-stage to talk to Paul while I tried to collect the dirty laundry I'd scattered about.

And there you go. Time for lunch. Oh yeah, peanut butter and jelly crusts, I hear ya. Come to mama.


Blogger meno said...

Maybe the mute neighbors are from Minnesota, and consider saying more than three words in a row to be frivolous.

7/02/2008 2:34 PM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

This is one of my favorite posts of yours ever.

7/02/2008 7:05 PM  
Blogger Ortizzle said...

We have a weird neighbor who is almost never around (not sure why, and don't even want to speculate on it.) He puts on a HAT (not a baseball cap, a proper hat, like from the 1940s) just to go to the mailbox. This makes him look a lot like Antony Perkins, especially when he grins and greets me with a shy "hello." I wish he were mute.

7/05/2008 2:57 PM  
Blogger Imez said...

I have missed it all, but more than anything, just you.

7/09/2008 2:02 PM  
Blogger PEACE said...

After being off of the blog for months and months I decided since I am home on medical leave for the nest 7 weeks I would catch up on all my old bloggers, I mean not that you are old, I am old, well, you know.

I really wanted to comment on Jim's nutsack but because of my recent surgery I have to avoid laughing and just thinking of that cracks me up.

How'd your tennis tourney go? What level are you? I am going nuts having to give up my tennis, so was glad to find another blogging tennis player.

Try living in a townhouse in Vegas with your neighbor an out of work gay actor from "The Producers" popping his head over our ponywall every time I sit out and play my guitar offering me a hit of pot!
Hippies use the backdoor Please!

Loved your post,and it's good to be back!

7/18/2008 2:44 PM  

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