Thursday, May 01, 2008

The good ole concoction

Have you been celebrating? I have. I love Passive Aggressive Day! Wading through our overflowing laundry basket to only wash my clothes, putting dirty wine glasses back in the cupboard, covering up the dried remnants of doggie diarrhea (contracted from eating bones which someone gave him even though someone totally knew that bones make the dog shit like a squirt gun) with someone's comfy sweatshirt. But wait, there's more. Why celebrate with just one member of the family? Madeleine's fancy dress (which has its own spot in the only closet in our house) stuffed under her bed with all those other dress-up crappy clothes I find everywhere, Quinn's 4 bags of art projects (read: cut up sections of coupon circulars, dried glue sticks and lots and lots of really really bad kid art) hidden in the closet behind the vacuum, and a huge handful of molted bird feathers collected from all corners of the kitchen dumped ceremoniously back into the cage, on top of the birds.

What are the other options?
-Nagging? Lovely.
-Empty threats? Been there. The fancy dress should've been cut into pieces/given to Goodwill/used to clean up dog diarrhea/thrown in the trash four or five times by now.
-Asking politely? Only on crappy cartoons where the kids always learn their lesson and apologize to their friends for being disrespectful (coughcoughCLIFFORDcoughcough - suckiest cartoon ever and I hate Jetta and her asshole dog Mack - they should not be forgiven and neither should have any friends - especially not by TBone who always gets screwed somehow).
-Reward system? The reason there are enough art supplies to fill four enormous canvas library book bags in the first place.

Nope. Passive Aggressive is the most consistent and satisfying system in relationships and parenting. Next up, Guilt Trips! Wheeee!

And some other stuff:

Here's how Madeleine looks while playing Marble Quest:

Here's how Madeleine looks when I ask her to smile while playing Marble Quest, proving that video games kill brain cells (and possibly cause facial tics and/or loss of teeth):

And yeah, this is what Jim was doing all day while I was throwing his clothes on top of dog crap:

And also this:

From the beginning of time I have called underwear Panties and diapers Didey-pants. Is it such a bad thing for a little boy to tell grown-ups that he's a big boy and he wears Panties? Good. I didn't think so.


Blogger Eliza said...

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat! This was HILARIOUS! I've been celebrating, but didn't even know it. Off again to the festivities!

5/01/2008 2:15 PM  
Blogger Orange said...

"I'm a big boy and I wear panties" is going to be my new motto.

5/01/2008 2:39 PM  
Blogger spellconjurer said...

girl I have been folding my hubbies panties for 20 years almost. He's also informed that his "clean panties" are in his top drawer, no matter who the company might be. Humiliated or not, that's the language I speak. His other option is to let em ride free, or wash his own manly ball covers.

5/01/2008 2:54 PM  
Blogger meno said...

I celebrate passive-aggresive day every day. It's so much fun, why would i just resrict myself to one day?

Love the sweatshirt use.

5/01/2008 8:14 PM  
Blogger Bob said...

you've been talking to my wife, haven't you?

5/02/2008 6:50 AM  
Blogger spellconjurer said...

hey what happened to that crazy ass writing club?

5/02/2008 11:35 AM  
Blogger Feral Mom said...

I can't resist calling "T-Bone" "Tea Bag." Will my children grow up warped? I also throw away any kid art that has dry leaves and sticks pasted to it. So far, no one small has seemed to mind and no one big has stepped up to the plate to deal with the crusty leaf pieces, if you catch my drift.

Happy Passive Aggressive Week!

5/02/2008 5:12 PM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

Finally a day to call my own...
Wonder if Hallmark will ever cash in on the idea????

5/05/2008 7:42 AM  
Anonymous apathy lounge said...

Panties just sound like a shorter kind of pant(s). So why not start a trend and change the name of shorts to panties? That way, everything evens out and no one gets hurt. Just a thought.

5/06/2008 8:19 AM  
Blogger Stella said...

uhhh....can you like email me and stuff?

i seemed to have lost your address.



5/08/2008 5:38 AM  
Anonymous kathie said...

Yeah, well "I'm a big boy and I wear panties," prob. won't be the worst thing he says. Envision the college years, all the crap guys do and say, yes, I thought so, it could be worse.

5/13/2008 6:46 PM  
Anonymous Ditsy said...

LOL, so glad to know I am not alone in the battle. Let me know if any of the other options ever work, they don't in my household either.

Cleaning the dog shit with Jim's shirt, genius, pure genius.

5/20/2008 8:08 PM  

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