Monday, June 11, 2007

These are my peers.

Snippets from Sunday's critique group meeting.

Before we got started

Me: Larry, if you don't mind me asking, how much do you pay for your office space?

Larry: Oh! It's not really an office space. It's very small, you know. It's $159 a month.

Me: Well that's not bad - I was guessing 200 or more. Huh.

(discussion continues about office space needs for a minute)

Me: Well shoot, if I could find a space for a hundred fifty, I'd be tempted.

Larry: One hundred fifty-NINE, and yes, it was a good find - I found it from an ad in the Missoulian.

Theresa: A hundred fifty bucks? Does that included utilities?

Larry: One hundred fifty-NINE. Yes it does.

Me (now bored with this): Hmm, a hundred fift bucks is definitely managable...

Larry (looking at me as if I have a disability): One hundred fifty-NINE. It was a good find...


Me: Theresa, do you have another pen? Mine died.

Theresa (handing me a ball-point from a tire-shop in town): Sure

Larry (sitting up quickly, scowling at Theresa): Oh! Didn't you get my message? I asked that you return that pen to me - remember? I loaned it to you last week?

Theresa and Me, in unison: Uh...

At the close of the meeting

Theresa: So can you all write your addresses for me again - I seem to have misplaced them.

Me: Email or home?

Theresa: Home, please. I'm not very good at email.

Me: So you haven't received the messages we've been sending?

Theresa: Oh yes, I got those on the computer.

Me: Uh.

Note: I should probably mention, Chris, Theresa and Larry are all in their 70s. We have had to stop twice in the middle of a critique for Chris to find his glasses, and on Sunday, although it was 55 and raining, Larry was wearing womens' size 6 OP shorts. And he sat across from me. And there was no table. Are you picturing it? Yeah, like that.

There will be more where this came from.


Blogger Mamalujo said...

I bet his old wrinkly nutsack was fairly busting out of the leg. What side was it on? Could you see veins? How about the pubes; gray or still black? How about the pecker? Christian or Jew? Did he scratch it any during the meeting.

Next time he does it, give him a good long sultry look, and run your tongue across your lips while glancing down at the junk. Old guys need love too.

6/12/2007 11:52 AM  
Blogger meno said...

Oh these are wonderful, please keep track of these conversations for us.

But, please, no more visuals of old scrotums. Thank you.

6/12/2007 1:01 PM  
Blogger Orange said...

I hope these old coots can write...or at least give you solid feedback. Or continue to give you excellent blog fodder!

6/12/2007 4:18 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Run! Run away! :-)

(Actually, don't -- this is GREAT blog fodder.)

6/12/2007 6:01 PM  
Anonymous wordgirl said...

Aren't there any younger writers in your town who can critique your work? Not to mention men with better sense than to wear too-small women's apparel?

6/12/2007 8:44 PM  
Blogger Princess Banter said...

hahaha - hilarious! love it!

6/13/2007 7:21 AM  
Blogger Oh, The Joys said...'s 159. NINE! Heh.

6/13/2007 8:32 AM  
Blogger Bob said...

so you are writing about writing.......

hilarious. real life trumps fiction every time.

6/13/2007 9:07 AM  
Blogger spellconjurer said...

I totally see the bones of a book, a sitcom, a movie, a series, a written series,,,,,of course mamalujo should be the hideously perverted receptionist sitting at the desk, in the building which houses all of the 159.00 offices for all of the aspiring writers, who convene in the meeting room to critique writing. Must it be a novel you write? couldn't you be a screen writer? a tv writer? I'll be quiet now. (ish)

6/13/2007 11:01 AM  
Anonymous Ortizzle said...

Bless their hearts. But why pay $159.00 for an office away from them when... clearly, they need to be worked into your writing, LOL.

Next time, we want pics.

6/13/2007 12:12 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Mamalujo, we all thank you for that. Now please take your expertise with geriatric smut back to your own site and use it to fight evil or to replace No-Doz or something.

Meno, it's not my fault. It wasn't a terribly clear visual until Mamalu-ho chimed in.

Orange, no they can not write OR give good feedback (there will be more on that subject later, in fact). But yes, I've already started two stories with Larry and Theresa as key figures.

Nancy, it only just occurred to me to blog about it. It was mostly frustrating until this weekend, when I finally started to laugh to myself during the meeting.

Wordgirl, you'd think, right? I guess I'm not putting out the right "Please read my stuff and give me your intelligent and critical thoughts on my writing and life in general" pheromones.

Thank you Princess. (Which I can't pronounce in my head any other way than Printheth.)

OTJ, I know I'm going to have to bring up the one-fifty line again next time. Just to see.

Bob, I know. That's why it's hard to base stories on true reality. They're just too much. Over the top. Like all three of these people in one story makes it a farce or a satire or something. Something pointedly exaggerated.

Spellconjurer, it would be like Golden Girls, where all the characters are the old Granny and wannabe writers and dress inappropriately and have OCD tendencies about writing implements and so on. Honestly? I'd go for it, but I'd say absolutely no way to Rue McClanahan. I always hated that bitch.

Ortizzle, pictures? Really? I think they'd get suspicious. Next time I'll give you some descriptions. (In addition to the women's OPs, Larry wears threadbare, button-up, short-sleeved dress shirts. And his thick glasses make his eyes beady and piggish.)

6/13/2007 3:53 PM  
Anonymous stella said...

email me, because i don't have your email ad...and i cant find it one your blog (whats up with that?)

i have something to send you. i'm going to give you about 15 more opportunities to tell me I run the risk of having Nazis or Mormons for neighbors.


6/14/2007 12:19 PM  
Blogger Tink said...

LMAO! Mamalujo! Did you need to paint the picture? Egad.

Keep these coming girl. You know I love me a good conversation.

6/14/2007 12:36 PM  
Blogger Arabella said...

"There will be more where this came from."

Oh, thank goodness! I haven't laughed so hard in about a week.

Maybe you should invite them to play bingo after class.

Or offer them some gum, and tell them that you paid fifty-NINE cents for it.

6/14/2007 2:24 PM  
Blogger PEACE said...

Yes, Bingo would be good...."150" Oh, sorry, that's I-59!

Ya, know there are some things that just weren't meant for viewing. oooohhhhh! Heebie geebies!

6/15/2007 6:48 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

sweet pea, print off a few pages of DSS and pass it around with your commentary.

Ask for critique on THAT.

Next time, jump up and Yell one fifty NINE Bitch!!! and here is your pen, as you stab him in the leg with it.

But then again, I just got my period. So take no advice from me.

6/18/2007 1:12 PM  
Blogger Orange said...

I'm with Dawn!

And I really hope you'll let us critique and enjoy your Larry and Theresa stories. You can't make that shit up. Or you can make it up, but with muses like that, it just enriches your imagination.

6/18/2007 2:56 PM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I attended a writer's group for about a year and let's just say most of the folks had issues. I then wondered what mine was...

6/18/2007 6:20 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

Good lord Mignon, why are you hanging out with septugenarians? I think I missed something.

6/20/2007 2:27 PM  
Anonymous kathie said...

My lord this is good stuff. Hang in there and if you want a younger reader from afar, email away...

7/29/2007 6:45 AM  

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