eBay, meet me after school.

We decided to scale back a little this Christmas. We're going for the H2 instead of the stretch limo Hummer. For toys, that is - last year I bought this marble-block thingy that, for the price, should've come with a long-soulful kiss from Daniel Craig, but instead had a bell that tinkled when smacked against the head of an idiot mom. No, this year it's going to be different. Used stuff. Yesterday I bid on a pile of gently used blocks on eBay, but because I suck at eBay, I bid on the wrong item, and also because I suck at eBay, I bid less than the current high bid, so this morning I was informed by a very sanctimonious eBay automated mailing system that I did not win the plastic fake-Lego replica of an American Airlines 727. I should've been relieved, but instead I've been trying to think of snappy comebacks to that jackass eBay automated mailing system. Like, "Yeah, I realize my bid was too low, but bid this." Clever, huh?

In a minute, when Madeleine has sunk deeply into her Doogal coma, I'll get back on eBay. I mean, I'm gonna get me ON some eBAY. No, what I really mean, is I will type in Used Blocks and look at the list of 23,445 matching items and try not to bid on Used Blocks on which to park my broken down Chevy Cavalier, and instead I'll try to find small wooden objects with which to throw at the head of an idiot mom. Because despite my good intentions, bells and blocks make great weapons. See?